Saturday, January 23, 2016

Thank You For Being A Friend (S.1 Ep.1)



Sometimes you start writing a blog with the best of intentions, and then… well, you lose interest and don’t come back to it for two and a half years. And now is one of those times. 

So, here I am returning to start something new. Here’s the thing, I enjoyed the pieces I wrote a few years ago, but, I was finding it more challenging than I had anticipated to find topics I actually wanted to write at length about. So, I thought to myself - what do I actually like that much? Well, that would be one of two things - chocolate or television. I could write multiple sonnets detailing my love of chocolate, but, I didn’t think it would really hold up in a longer format. So, that leaves me with television. So, that’s my theme for as long as I seem to enjoy writing about it. Inspired by some other blogs, and a few podcasts, I’m jumping back in with episode recaps of one of the all time greatest shows ever, ever, ever - The Golden Girls. 

Why The Golden Girls? Well, maybe because it’s one of the greatest shows ever, ever, ever with fabulous writing, incredible casting, and top notch insane 80’s fashion? Or, maybe because I had all the episodes on VHS that my BFF and I had given specific titles to such as Beyond Biscayne Bay, and Jezebels and Ne’er Do Wells. Or, maybe because I also had the episodes recorded on audio cassettes so I could listen to them on road trips. Whatever. I love The Golden Girls. Hopefully it will be entertaining. If not, feel free to come right up to me and say, “Sonny Bono, get off my lanai.” 

So, let’s jump in!


The Golden Girls
S.1 Ep.1 - The Engagement (The Pilot)
Written by: Susan Harris
Directed by: Jay Sandrich
Aired: 9/14/85

Before we even get to the actual episode, we need to discuss a few other things first. As of today - 1/23/16 - The Golden Girls is not currently streaming in any format. Can you believe this? It’s 2016 and it’s not streaming anywhere! I can watch multiple episodes of Lancelot Link: Secret Chimp through Apple TV, but Golden Girls?? Nowhere! Unacceptable. I bring this up first, because it’s unacceptable, and second, to clarify that I am watching these episodes using the DVD’s. Which brings up the other point that needs to be noted. And that is, how terrible these DVD’s are! I mean, I’m happy to have them, but, they have zero special features. They couldn’t have put in just a few outtakes? A commentary here and there? Packaged the whole set in a souvenir bamboo purse? Nothing. Well, that’s not entirely true. They did include one thing - the single most irritating menu page in the history of DVD’s. If you have the DVD’s and have ever tried to lull yourself to sleep at night to the dulcet tones of Bea Arthur singing “What’ll I Do” you’ll find that at some point, you will be awakened by the theme song, which plays on a non-stop loop on both the main menu page and the episode selection page. And if you try to get around that by just hitting “Play All” - well, at the end of the last episode, the DVD’s will again, circle back around to one of the menu pages and the damn theme song. Not cool. 

Ok, here we go. Our first shot of the airplane over Miami. Our first glimpse of each of the girls in their opening credit clips. Our first glimpse of Dorothy Zbornak doing her patented Knuckle Bite™.  Our first shot of Sophia mouthing the words “drip dry.” I don’t remember how I felt in 1985, but, today, I’m hooked all over again. 

Dorothy glides into the kitchen to lament the public school system. Who is she lamenting to? Why, Coco of course! Coco, who only goes by one name. Like Madonna. Unless you’d like to consider “The Gay House Boy” as his last name. Poor Coco. He’s not long for this world. “This world” meaning, the world of the girls. Ah well. How incredibly bare the kitchen seems! The copper molds are up above the cabinets, but, if the phallic lobster is in there, I didn’t spot it. Anyway, we’re getting lots of exposition here. We establish that Dorothy is a teacher, that Rose works in grief counseling (Dot snidely reminds her), and we hear our main plot point for this episode - Blanche is going on a a date with a gentleman named Harry. Oh, we also establish that we’re in Miami. So, pay no attention to the fact that the ladies are outfitted in long sleeved layers and sweaters for the majority of the shows run. 

We also establish that there will be lots of jokes about aging. Makes perfect sense, of course, since our main characters are in their senior years and dealing with the issues that crop up in those particular years. Sometimes those jokes also help us establish that Rose is a dummy. For example - Dorothy is talking about how she was feeling good at work, fitting in with the younger teachers in the lounge (Poor Dot, always trying to gain the popularity of a Cindy Lou Peeples), and then got in her car, looked in the mirror and:

Dorothy: This old woman was in the mirror. I didn’t even recognize her. 
Rose: Who was it? 

Blanche flits around the kitchen in her fur stole (in Miami) and we learn that Rue Mclanahan is still clearly playing around with exactly HOW southern her southern belle is going to be. As evidenced by the line: “Lord, I’d love to get a facelift by 8 o’clock.”

Blanche also spills that Harry has proposed to her. She then flits to the living room with the other girls in tow. Coco continues to cook enchiladas. 

We continue in the living room debating the pros and cons of the proposal. Blanche hasn’t known Harry very long, but she doesn’t want to lose him. Rose is concerned that if Blanche accepts, she and Dorothy will be booted out of the house. (We have now just established that it is Blanche’s house.) 

Rose: We can’t afford a house. What do we have for collateral, a gay cook?

Not for long, Rose. Not for long. 

We now move into Blanche’s bedroom. Or, as it’s known to the male, over 50 crowd in the greater Miami area - The Promised Land. This is our first view of the single greatest plant, curtain, wallpaper, bedding combo of all time. Really, kudos, set designers. It’s like being inside a slutty botanical garden. 

Blanche talks about how much she loved her husband George before he (exposition) died. Rose assures Blanche that George is well aware of her love for him. Right, Dorothy? 

Dorothy: Don’t ask me. I can’t get through to New Jersey with MCI.*

Thanks for the help, Dot. 

*This gets the award for Dated Reference of the Week. MCI is a phone service company that is - well, apparently still in business. Which I only know because I looked it up right now and was shocked to find that out. 



We move to a new scene back in the living room and there’s a knock at the door. Is it Harry? No! Little Sophia Petrillo comes barreling into our lives. Huzzah!! Just what we needed. Now, Early Sophia can be jarring to Golden Girls fans (at least, the ones I know). Why? Well, they clearly took a bit of time to develop her look. So, what we’ve got here, is Estelle Getty with painted hair. As opposed to the standard Sophia wig we would all grow accustomed to in time. Let’s just try to ignore this until things morph into her normal, established look. Shall we? 


The home has burned down, everyone is OK, and the cab ride was $67. With her inimitable charm Sophia greets Blanche buy telling her she looks like a prostitute. She then leaves the room so we can have the convo (exposition) where Blanche tells Rose that Sophia has had a stroke which destroyed the part of her brain that censors what she says. I know this was the reason established for Sophia’s particular brand of fabulous abrasiveness. But, I think we all know, that this concept was dropped fairly early and it was just assumed that this was just Sophia. That’s how she rolls. She calls ‘em as she sees ‘em. Can't stop. Won't stop. Even if it’s at the St. Valentine’s Day Massacre. 

Sophia returns declaring that Coco is an OK petunia, and we get to meet Harry. He’s a friendly fellow. And is especially charming to Sophia. He exits, and Sophia gives her capsule review: “The man is a scuzzball.” A notable line, since it was the one line from the pilot that NBC execs censored. The original line was “The man is a douchebag” - as confirmed by Bea Arthur in her one woman show where she was barefoot. (I note this because my BFF and I were so distracted by her bare feet that we nearly missed her leg of lamb recipe that she recited in the show.) My hunch is, that the huge reaction seen and heard by the audience and the other ladies, was to the original line, and it was then edited with “scuzzball.” I don’t know that for a fact, but, it seems logical to me, because the reaction is really huge. Anyway, Harry and Blanche are off for the evening, and Rose and Dorothy get to give us more exposition, detailing that the house belongs to Blanche, and that they all became roomies when Dorothy and Rose both answered an ad at the supermarket. (We can look forward to seeing that flashback later on in the shows life.) Rose has a touching monologue about the plight of older women ending up alone. Sophia tells Rose to get a poodle. 

Let’s move out to the lanai, shall we? 

The ladies and Coco are are discussing whether or not Blanche will marry Harry. Well, the ladies are discussing. Coco is standing by distributing iced tea, or something. Rose notes that Blanche can’t be without a man. She delivers the line in a way that gives us the clear picture that Blanche Elizabeth Devereaux (B.E.D.) is a woman who loves a good time, to say the least. Blanche returns from her date and just will not stop talking about Joe’s Stone Crab. Like, she just won’t. Everyone is on edge. So much so that Dot actually takes out her anger on Coco. Oh, poor Coco. The end is near. 

Marry Harry, Marry Harry  - that's a little rhyme. But, you know that. (Don’t point it out, or you too will feel the backside of Dot’s pent up rage.) 

And, that’s exactly what Blanche plans on doing next week. Marrying Harry. She has accepted his proposal.

Exposition Alert! Dorothy claims she’s from Queens. Which we all know is patently untrue. Brooklyn4EVA. We hear the sad tale of Dorothy and Stan and the dissolution of their 38 year marriage, after a stewardess confused lei with lay. Ahhh, homonyms. See ya soon, Stan!

Aaaaaaagggggghhhhhhhh!!!!! Sophia just entered the room without her glasses. It is exceptionally jarring!

It’s the day of the wedding, y’all! 

Moment I never noticed before: Dorothy checking herself out in the full length mirror in Blanche’s Den of Sexual Paradise. You go on, Dot. Straighten out them shoulder pads. Get ‘em leveled just right. 

Rose’s instincts are telling her that something about Harry isn’t right. She doesn’t trust him. The rest of the scene is full of fabulous physical bits between Rose and Dorothy as Dorothy tries to prevent Rose from airing her concerns to Blanche. It culminates with Dorothy literally throwing Rose into the closet and locking the door. And it won’t be the last time she’ll be thrown in there. 

Well, the groom is late, the minister has a funeral to get to, and the doorbell rings to then reveal the dude from Designing Women! Meshach Taylor is in the house. Or, in the doorway, dressed as a cop and telling Blanche the bad news - Harry is a bigamist, wanted in four states. Blanche is crestfallen. She feels like, not just a fool, but, an old fool. 

Let’s finish this pilot with a trip back out onto the lanai, shall we?

Sophia is chilling out there in one of the best outfits you’ll never see again. She’s wearing bedazzled sunglasses, and an ensemble that looks to be ripped straight off of B.E.D’s bed. We actually see Dorothy do the bit where she takes out a mirror to check for Sophia’s breath. Which is fun because it foreshadows one of the best G-Girls episodes there is. (Murder Mystery, anyone?) And, we find out that Blanche is still so depressed that she wouldn’t even budge for Julio Iglesias. That is really depressed. (Not that it matters though, because we all know that Julio is straight up into Sophia.)

Inconsistency Alert! Dorothy mentions that Blanche is a Southern Protestant as opposed to a Baptist. And, Sophia mentions that she’s 80 years old. But as we all know, soon after, she turns 85 and remains 85 for the majority of the next 7 years. 

Well, here comes Blanche to tell the girls that she has had the realization that she’s not alone, because they are her family now. We then get the iconic opening credits moment of the girls with their arms around each other on the lounge chairs. Sophia takes off her glasses to terrify us one more time and then heads for the dog track.  



All’s well that ends well. Unless you're Coco.

RIP Coco

Fun Fact: Meshach Taylor and Estelle Getty starred together in Mannequin!

Fashion Report: I have to say that this is an exceptional example of G-Girls fashion with a very low level of ridiculous. Judy Evans, was the designer, as she would be for 177 episodes. This episode sets up the style of each gal. Blanche is flowing and shimmery, Rose is in pastels, and Dorothy is in… well… flats, shoulder pads, and draping. But, you probably knew that.  The clear winner of Outfit of the Day? Well, that is absolutely Sophia Petrillo. 



Well, that does it for the first go round! Do we like this blog? Or should we blow it out our collective ditty bags?