S.1 E. 19
Second Motherhood
Written By: Christopher Lloyd
Directed By: Gary Shimokowa
Aired: 2/15/86
Knuckle Bite™/Drip Dry. Speaking of drips... there are bathroom issues on Richmond Street.
The girls are getting an estimate from a jerky plumber. And, as jerky plumbers are known to do (#notallplumbers - just the jerky ones) he is giving the girls a bloated estimate on what the repair job would cost. Well, Dorothy Zbornak has no patience for this guy. So, before he can even throw her some plumbers platitudes, she shoves him out the door with a Stan Zbornak Slam. Sweet, industrious Rose happens to have some plumbing knowledge and thinks the girls might be able to do their own repairs and save a toilet full of money. What could possibly go wrong?
Nothing. Not when Blanche is wearing purple satin pants. Nothing can go wrong on Purple Satin Pants Day.
Blanche is in a quandary though. She has another date with Richard tonight and she never knows what to wear for dates with Richard because she never knows where they'll end up. Well, first off - as Dorothy says - even the paper boy knows where they'll end up. But, secondly - Blanche is wearing purple satin pants. And I don't want to overstate the obvious, but, purple satin pants are appropriate for literally any occasion. ANY ONE. There are zero occasions where purple satin pants are not the correct attire. Plus her mirror ball purple top? Despite her misgivings, I believe Blanche has things well in hand.
I should also note that the reason Blanche doesn't know where she'll end up on her dates with Richard is because Richard is totally loaded and can take her anywhere. Speaking of that...
We cut to the image of a jet in flight, and who is inside this perfectly loooooovely jet? Why, Blanche. And she's trying to get the hang of all the modern conveniences that modern private jets have. (Side note - she accidentally turns on the stereo, and it begins playing Glenn Miller's Moonlight Serenade. Which is a song that will prove popular on this show in years to come.) But, she's interrupted by Richard. Richard is very impressed that Blanche seems very unimpressed with his wealth. She's a cool cucumber, Ms. Devereaux. Well, she is until she sits in a recliner that she didn't realize was a recliner. As Richard fixes drinks and tells us his life's story, Blanche is giving us some fabulous physical comedy, trying to get herself back to an upright position. She finally gets herself vertical again, and Richard tells Blanche that despite all his wealth and experience, the one thing he's still missing is someone to share it with. Music to Blanche's ears.
Back in one of the biggest bathrooms I've ever seen, Rose is doing some preliminary research for the necessary repairs. She's tap, tap tappin' on the walls and talking about tank sweat. Blanche is tap, tap tappin' in her heels, arriving to talk about her date with Richard. And Sophia is, well, Sophia just needs them to all get out so she can use the toilet. But, before we let Sophia get down to business it should be mentioned - while Blanche was getting her peaches glazed on her date tonight, Richard told her that he wanted her to meet his family. Well, we all know what that means. Could a proposal be far behind? I doubt it. And also, once again - is this bathroom not huge?? I mean, this picture doesn't do it justice.
Well, it's Saturday night and there's a snake in the house. No, Stan hasn't come for a visit. Dorothy and Rose are making progress in their bathroom escapades. All that's left to do is wait for the delivery of their brand new toilet. Are you on the edge of your seat? I'm on the edge of my seat. And speaking of seats - there's the doorbell now. Classic Dorothy moment coming up here:
Lou: Plumber
Dorothy: Can I see some identification, please?
Beautiful. And Dorothy knows it too. She hath cracked herself up. Well, Lou (look at his name tag carefully, Dot) has come to deliver their new Dolman Standard Low Boy. Funny - I just got a new toilet myself and got "comfort height" - I'm surprised the ladies would go for a low boy. But, maybe they have better knees than I do. Anyway - (look at the tag again) Lou is ready to install this showpiece of a throne. But, once Dorothy explains that she and Rose are planning to handle the installation themselves, the mood gets very dark. Lou claims one must be a trained man in order to handle a toilet installation. Dorothy and Rose don't take kindly to that (mis)information. So, Lou decides to leave the toilet right where it is in the living room, claiming that if they want to install it, they can move it too. That really doesn't go over well. I mean, Dorothy hides it well, but, her screaming "FINE!!! FINE!!! WE WILL!" might have been a bit of a giveaway that she was ticked.
Sophia runs after Lou, because who the hell lets a plumber get away? The girls run into trouble immediately. The toilet is heavy! After making some "Ugh, ugh, grunt" noises Dorothy and Rose figure out that without 20,000 Hebrews, there's a slim chance they'll be able to move the toilet themselves. So, there she stays. As does Rose. She sits on the toilet to think. And that's just in time for Blanche to open the door and, almost, bring Richard in to meet the girls. But, the whole toilet in the living room thing makes her quickly shut the door and bid Richard farewell for the moment.
When she returns inside we find out that it's happened. The big "it." Richard proposed. And Blanche accepted. One hitch though - Blanche met Richard's family - which consisted of two children, ages seven and nine. Well, Blanche Devereaux has the energy to do a lot of things, but, raise two more kids is not one of them.
Are you all feeling hungry? Let's go to the kitchen.
The girls transfer to the kitchen for a classic cheesecake scene. No cheesecake in this particular one, but, you get the idea. They're gonna talk it all out. Well, in surprise moves - Rose says she would definitely marry Richard, and Dorothy says she definitely wouldn't. Dorothy is not longing to be a mother again, but, Rose, our sweet Rose, would, of course love to be a mother again. The girls debate the good, bad and ugly of raising kids, going head to head on positives and negatives. Then they discuss being grandparents. But, Rose would still love to be a mother more. Her Mother's Days on the farm - which included buttermilk and a live performance of the sock puppet show Elf Kingdom - were really something to remember. Bottom line is - Blanche isn't ready to make a decision. So, it's decided that she'll spend a few days with Richard and his children and see how it all goes.
Sophia then drops in to hand deliver my favorite part of the entire episode. She owes Dorothy an apology for criticizing her handy man skills.
Sophia: I walk into the living room and there's a toilet in front of the television set. It's an old ladies dream come true!
And, with that she exits. Perfection.
Back in the bathroom, things are not going well. Again, though - look at the size of this bathroom!
I don't really know what the actual plumbing problem was that they were initially having, but, the wall being ripped out, two toilets, and the shower turning on when you try to wash your hands says to me - things are not going well. And just to make things worse - Here comes Lou! Yes, Sophia found Lou and brought him back to save the day. But, since Lou is still committed to being a sexist jerk, Dorothy forcefully escorts (check the nametag one more time) Lou right back out of the house with a final Stan Slam. Is Lou right? Will he be back? Spoiler alert - he will not. At least, not as a plumber. Although the girls may run into him years later at one of Dorothy's birthday parties. But, that's a story for another day.
Today's story is that Blanche has just returned from a trip to Bermuda where Little Richard buried Fats Domino in the sand. She also spent the day with Richard's children. They got along great, so, no problems there. But, she's noticed that she hardly ever sees Richard since he's so busy with his work. And she wonders if the only reason he wants to marry her is to have a mother for his children...
Back on Richard's private jet, while he makes plans for their honeymoon, Blanche tries to muster up the courage to have a heart to heart about their relationship.
She has come to a few conclusions. Blanche is third in Richard's life - behind his work and his kids. And that's not the kind of marriage that Blanche Devereaux is looking for. Not only that, but, she feels that Richard is missing out on his kids lives by focusing on too many things. So, with that, she lets him down easy and leaves the door open to possibly getting back together once he's free to focus more on a relationship. She let's him down easy, but, still looking sexy as hell in this backless number! (She also tries to dramatically exit, and then realizes she's 30,000 feet in the air. Oops.)
Well, some time has passed and things have improved around the house. Blanche is finally getting over Richard. And, more importantly - the bathroom is working again! Yes, our ladies have managed to put things back together. And now, they can run all the water they want without fear of having the worlds largest flood in the worlds largest bathroom. Sounds like a good day to me. And since Dorothy and Rose are so excited in this final scene (Dorothy is actually making other worldly noises that I love) - why not end this post with an old school style sitcom action shot freeze frame to capture that excitement?!
Guest Stars: Kevin McCarthy - Richard
Alan Blumenfeld - Lou
Terry Willis - Plumber
Fun Facts: This week has fun guest stars - as per usual. But, my favorite connection is one that might not mean much to other folks. Unless you're a fan of other smart shows built around smart, funny women. Alan Blumenfeld has an extensive IMDB page and remains a sought after actor. He's been in a million things (including a later episode of Golden Girls). But, it wasn't until just now that I realized that he played the Rabbi on several episodes of Gilmore Girls! Another one of my favorite shows, and I had never made the connection. And now I'll think of this episode every time I see him in Luke's Diner. And Kevin McCarthy also has a huge resume which includes performing on tons of live theatrical presentations in the 50's and also starring in Invasion of the Body Snatchers. Not too shabby.
This episode was written by Christopher Lloyd. Not the actor, but, the writer/producer. Talk about another extensive career. Jeez. He wrote 11 Golden Girls episodes in all. He was an executive producer/writer on Frasier, a producer/writer on Wings, co-creator/executive producer/writer on Modern Family among many others. But, most importantly - he was the executive producer of... Golden Palace. Long live Christopher Lloyd!
Fashion Report: First off, Backless Blanche is amazing. Second - Rose wears a headband when doing plumbing work - which I enjoy. Is she afraid her hair is going to get in the way? Because it moves so much? I mean... come on...
And then there's Blanche Devereaux and her total commitment to color. #Bravery.
