S.1 E.5
The Triangle
Written by: Winifred Hervey
Directed by: Jim Drake
Aired: 10/19/85
Knuckle Bite™/Drip Dry - Have you all seen the video of the guy riffing all over the theme song??? If you haven’t, well, here it is. It’s amazing and I want to hear this version every time I watch the show now.
This guy rocks.
Oooooooooh, Sophia’s up to something. She’s scuttling out of the house to watch porn on the big screen. Chicanery right from the get go! Love it. But - foiled again, by Dorothy! Blast. Dorothy, wearing a top that looks like one of those fans you make in school or church or anywhere that it's hot and you're bored and have some type of paper, tells Sophia that she can’t leave because she has a doctor’s appointment and needs to keep it since she’s been under the weather. This is a new doctor (who will be one of the points of our triangle, I’m sure), since Sophia’s old doctor has died. Rose brings Sophia some soup, which is the same kind she used to make for her husband when he didn’t feel well. (No, Sophia, that’s not how he died. We all KNOW how Rose’s husband died. Nudge, nudge, wink, wink. Hubba, hubba, zing, zing.)
Closed Fan
Open Fan
Feel the breeze. I imagine this shirt is noisy. Like, it makes a noise when it opens. Like when you have playing cards in the spokes of your bike. Anyway...
Blanche comes in with a large shiny purse and the news that she found a fabulous dress sale, but, couldn’t call the girls to join her because all they had left were petites. Burn.
Dorothy responds in kind:
Dorothy: So, what did you buy, shoes?
Double burn.
Sophia gives a fabulous line reading with absolutely no commas whatsoever, Blanche leaves to go try on her new dress, and Rose laments the lack of house calls made by doctors in Miami. That wasn’t a problem in Minnesota. Well, not until the town doctor drank some hog liniment and tried to neuter the Swenson brothers. The doorbell rings and with that we get two things:
1)The entrance of our guest star, Dr. Elliott Clayton
And
2) Dorothy Zbornak hot, hot, hot for a man!
There’s not much I love more than Flirty Dot! And that’s who we get from the moment the door opens. And ya know what? She’s pretty damn good! In about a minute and a half, she manages to fill the doctor in on Sophia’s ailments, find out if he’s single, stomp on Rose’s foot, and set up a date! Solid. Work. Dot. But, this episode is called “The Triangle” for a reason, and here it comes! Blanche Devereaux - which is French for… Blanche Devereaux, posing like Rita Hayworth in a dress that would stop traffic.
She turns it on Southern Style for the doc. And gets an arm grab from Dorothy that could uproot a mighty Sequoia. Dorothy tells her to back off in no uncertain terms. But, you know Blanche! He wants her. She can feel it. After all, she’s a woman, he’s a man, and Dorothy might be Little Richard. But, Blanche bows out, with the condition that she could pinch hit if called upon. Sophia's exam finishes up (not much of an exam, if you ask me), Sophia is told to be sure to take her medication, and the doctor leaves us until we all meet again.
Later that week, we join the girls in the evening as Dorothy tries to find an outfit for another (it seems there have been several) date with Dr. Elliott. Her choice is heartily approved by the girls. They tell her she looks beautiful and that it’s an incredibly flattering outfit. No, haha, no they don’t. They totally reject her choice, naturally.
Speaking of choices, Blanche is making an interesting one in this scene. Is it a dress? Is it a dress with an attached cape? Couldn’t rightly say. But, it’s a choice. Well, Rose goes to help Dorothy find a better outfit as the doorbell rings. Elliott has arrived. Blanche lets him in and offers him a drink. Elliott accepts, and then… then… THEN…. Elliott shows his true colors! And NOT in the good way like Cyndi Lauper encouraged everyone!!!! Ugh! Elliott makes a sleazy pass at Blanche and even man handles her a bit. Jerk.
But, don’t you worry, Blanche gives him a sharp word and a sharp punch in the shoulder. Good for you, Blanche. No, means no, and this guy is a tool. I mean, what was he thinking?? He was there to pick up Dorothy for a date, and knew she could catch them at any moment, and, also, what the heck is wrong with this dude?? You do NOT mess around on Dot. Especially not with one of her besties. This guy really sticks in my craw. Typical egotistical, entitled dude who thinks any woman should be - oh wait, here comes Rose! Doc Smarmy then compliments Rose.
Doc Smarmy: What is that marvelous scent you’re wearing?
Rose: Fancy Albacore tuna!
The pimento is what really sets it off. Well, Dorothy emerges in the outfit of choice. It was hard to get a screen shot of this since she floats out of the room so quickly, but, all we REALLY need to know is that it’s black, white, and emerald green. So, Dorothy heads off for the evening, leaving Blanche and Rose to have a drink at the drink cart that’s only periodically located down stage center. Rose has a feeling that something is off with the Doc. Blanche tells Rose about the attempted pass. Rose feels terrible that Dorothy’s heart will be broken when she finds out. But, Blanche (striding back to the couch in her cape dress) says that she won’t say a word! This has happened to her before, and the last time she was truthful and she lost Anderbeau AND her beau! Rose doesn’t care about Ander bo bo, and thinks that if Blanche is a true friend, she’ll tell Dorothy the truth. She’s wise to point out that Dorothy could marry him! And then, what would happen at little May Ling’s coming out party when they all find out that Doc Smarmy bonged every female member of the country club?! Hasn’t little May Ling suffered enough?? Anyway, back to the point - if Blanche is really a friend, she’ll tell Dot the truth.
We transition to, well, I’m assuming, a few hours later. Dorothy returns home from her date.
Hey! Here’s a better shot of the two outfits.
And Blanche, after hemming, hawing, and making yet another drink - there is more drinking in this episode than I can remember in others. Why didn’t they have them drink more?? That could’ve been fun. I mean, swap out that Empty Nest pilot episode and put in an episode where they all get blasted drunk and they really would’ve had something! Ah well. Missed opportunities. Anyway, after hemming and hawing, Blanche tells Dorothy that Sir Smarm-A-Lot made a pass at her. And sadly, as is so often the case, we have another Ander Bo Bo situation here. Dorothy blames Blanche 100%. Oh, Dot, you’re not seeing things straight! And she really goes after Blanche hard, calling her a slut, and a backstabbing jezebel! I mean, go big or go home, I guess? Blanche, clearly hurt, strikes back saying she doesn’t even care that May Ling’s coming out party was ruined. She flips her cape dress and storms out.
Hey, Sophia’s back! Back in the kitchen the next day. Blanche is upset with Rose for pressuring her into telling Dorothy about D.Smarm. Sophia is unaware of what happened. Once she’s filled in, she cries out:
Sophia: I can’t believe it. My daughter is finally dating a doctor, he turns out to be a scuzz bucket. (she slams her toast down and then asks the kitchen door) Why does everything happen to me?? (And exits)
No, Sophia, don’t go yet! We just got ya back! Ah well. Dorothy enters wearing something shapeless and carrying an enormous purse, and she and Blanche trade jabs about Willie Nelson’s hairbrush. Dorothy storms out to the living room and the girls follow. Cue His Royal Smarminess! Dorothy asks Elliott point blank if he made a pass at Blanche. He avoids answering, but, Blanche can tell he’s lying because he's twitching and blinking. Rose confirms that he is, in fact, blinking. Elliott leaves. Blanche states that she’s been a good friend to Dorothy, and if Dorothy won’t take her word, then she doesn’t want her in the house anymore. That’s just fine with Dorothy. Rose stands helpless and alone while yelping.
Now it’s time for milk, cookies and snuggly bathrobes! Close up on the Oreos, and they look gooooooood. Yay! Sophia’s back, back in the kitchen again, showing off her pajamas. Rose and Sophia are both losing sleep over the fight between Blanche and Dot. Sophia launches into a “Picture it, Sicily” moment. Is this the first one?? I think it might be! #makinhistory #makinherstory. Anyway, it’s a tale of intrigue about two friends with a pizza recipe, a man, and a dream. Yes, the tale of Sophia Petrillo, and her former best friend whom you might know of as… Mama Celeste. Moral of the story? Well, nothing. Which is Sophia’s advice - do nothing! Stay out of it! Well, Rose can’t just sit idly by. She has to do something! Sophia, left alone, takes a look in the freezer, and gives, what I can only assume to be a Mama Celeste frozen pizza, a hand gesture known to be of Italian heritage, accompanying it with: Abbondanza! I mean, that definitely sounds like what she’s saying? In English it means, abundance. So, why that accompanies a gesture that was a favorite of Betty Rizzo, I couldn’t tell ya. But, there it is. She mad.
Another day, another trip to the Museum of Wicker and Florals. Dorothy is getting ready for a day of golfing with you know who, and Rose is wiping down the plastic plants. When The Jerk, MD arrives - in horrific golf pants - Rose is left alone with him. Seizing the moment, Rose decides to try a little entrapment to see if she can get Elliott to bite! She does that Mae West kinda thing where you bounce your hip up and down. She tells him that he makes the hair on her arm stand on end. She even goes so far as to offer to show him pictures of herself in her tennis outfit! Rose Nylund - Rebel WITH a Cause. I mean, he came on to Blanche, why won’t he come on to her? Well, Smarmy the Magnificent denies the pass ever happened. Rose pushes, and just as Dorothy happens back into the room, he admits that he did put the moves on Blanche. Bam. Caught. To Catch a Smarmolater. Might as well have Chris Hansen pop out with some iced tea. Dorothy cuts him loose, and we couldn’t be happier to see the backside of those pants headed out the door for good.
Dorothy realizes what a jerk she’s been and heads off to apologize to Blanche. Where’s Blanche? Well, she’s in her room, just doing what anyone does in their room.
Time out. Quick question - this picture on the wall -
Early Charmaine Prototype? Or, just a random picture out of a magazine that props threw in a frame and hung up? Just curious…
Anyway - Dorothy apologizes. Blanche goes through several bottles of perfume refusing her apology. And just when all hope seems lost - Blanche gives in and the gals hug it out. Rose, who was obviously listening behind the door, Nosy Nylund, enters and joins the hugging. Then, Sophia, enters to finish up the secondary story. Wait, what secondary story, you ask? Oh, well, breaking news - that Sicily story about Mama Celeste that happened somewhere around the 20 minute mark of the show? That was the start of a secondary story! Apparently! Who knew?? Well, never too late to enjoy some pizza. So, Sophia brings in two plates of lil’ pizzas to have the girls try them. If her instincts are right, she’ll be worth millions! The girls unanimously pick Pizza A as the best one. Can you see this coming? Can you? It’s a little foggy out, so, let Sophia clue you in on whether or not that one was hers.
Sophia: You can’t pick men, and you can’t pick pizza!!
Now we see where Dorothy gets her hair trigger temper. I say they all head back to the living room and have a belt at Ye Ole Periodically Down Stage Center Rolling Drink Cart. Bottoms up!
Guest Star: Peter Hansen
Fun Fact: On the day of this episode airing (10/19/85) the very first Blockbuster Video store opened in Dallas, TX. At their peak, Blockbuster had 9,000 stores worldwide. As of 2013 there were 50, independently run, franchises remaining. It was nice while it lasted, Blockbuster.
Fashion Report: Once again there was no shortage of bold choices this week. We saw gargantuan purses, cozy robes, and were made fully aware that Dorothy is not afraid of color. But, today, I have to give the final shout out to the dress equivalent of Jean the Lesbian's hairdo. You know how the refrain goes - Is it a dress? Is it a cape? Is Blanche a part time superhero? Could be. Thank you, cape dress, for keeping me intrigued until we got our secondary story. Hats off!
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