S.1 E.9
Blanche And The Younger Man
Written by: James Berg, Stan Zimmerman
Directed by: Jim Drake
Aired: 11/16/85
Knuckle Bite™/Drip Dry - let's spend the entire episode trying to ignore Blanche's purple and blue eyeshadow. Betcha can't. Don't bet me, cause you'll lose that bet.
I love when an episode starts with a Sophia caper. Granted, this is a short lived caper, but I'll take it. Sophia is sneaking food out of the kitchen. Why? Well, Rose's mother is coming to visit and rumor has it, she's on a special diet. Ugh, those people. Those people - old people on a special diet - are really irritating to Sophia because they're always grubbing off of her plate. Well, of course, Special Agent Zbornak stops Sophia immediately and confiscates the food. After all - Rose's mother and Sophia are the same age, so, they should get along just fine. Well, Sophia has doubts. It seems that Rose has ordered a wheelchair for her mother, which certainly implies that she's not as spry as our little Sicilian. We shall see.
Let's go check out Blanche's latest conquest at the door. If you had any doubt whatsoever that this episode takes place in 1985, well, those doubts will be laid to rest once you meet Dirk. Yes, Dirk. Dirk is the absolute picture of the 1980's Workout Boy Toy. From his striped shirt to his feathered hair, to his super awesome headband - Dirk is IT, ladies and gentlemen. Enjoy the view, because Olivia Newton John should be jogging past at any moment.
Dirk has stopped showing off his armpit just long enough to ask Blanche out to dinner for this weekend. She happily accepts - even though he is a bit younger than she is. And btw, if you were Dorothy Zbornak, right now you'd give the most subtle example of shade ever seen by just ever so gently shifting your gaze.
No time for a sassy comment because here come Rose and Mama "Alma" Lindstrom. As soon as Alma enters we can clearly see that she is a capable lady. But, you wouldn't think that from the way Rose treats her. She is basically treating her mother like an invalid. Raising her voice (Alma's hearing is fine), worrying about her getting over tired, telling her to take a nap. Not cool, Rose. Not cool. You are not the boss of your mama.
Well, the ladies all seem to like Alma, but, they are not cool with the way Rose is treating her either. Well, Dorothy and Sophia aren't cool with it. Blanche on the other hand, is more concerned with whether or not she can handle a relationship with Dirk. And what a shock - she concludes she can handle it even if Dirk is nearly 5 years younger than Blanche(possibly in dog years.)
Blanche: I have decided to overlook that minor detail and succumb to the Vesuvius of passion that is about to erupt from me.
Sophia: Stand back, we're gonna get something on us.
EYESHADOW.
Blanche then launches into a sexual memoir that despite it's references to Rexhall's, cuticle scissors and Andy Griffith, still manages to put Sophia literally to sleep. Understandable though - she's told this tale before. Except last time it was Woolworth's, a toe nail clipper, and John Cameron Swayze. Blanche might need some new material.
More 80's workout wear! Yay!! Let's get physical, y'all! Blanche Devereaux is in the best outfit ever getting in shape for her date with Dirk. She is quite literally working her butt off. And including some sheeps liver extract, fish oil, and bee pollen pills to leave no dietary stone unturned.
And as it's plain to see, Dorothy is sticking with her - "I Just Wear Queen Sized Quilts So Why Bother" system. I have to say - it's a pretty good system. She looks damn relaxed. But, she's never too relaxed to share her opinion. Her opinion being, that if Blanche has to go to such extremes to be in this relationship, then what's the point?
Side rant here: Dorothy makes a reference that since Blanche is getting younger by the minute, she and Walt Disney can hang together when they unfreeze him. As a Disney fanatic, I always feel the need to point out that this old wives tale is just not true! Walt was never frozen. Didn't happen. So, there will never be an unfreezing. I wish he HAD been frozen so we'd have a shot of having him back, but, alas, no.
Ok, back to the girls. Blanche jogs out with door with her knees and breasts held equally high. Rose passes Blanche and tells her she looks great. And, then immediately tells Dorothy that she thinks Blanche looks terrible. Well, Rose, things are about to look worse - Sophia has taken Alma out of the house - gasp - and to the track to bet on the horses - double gasp!! Well, Rose does not like this one bit. She might even like it less than Dorothy's pleated fabric swath, but, I couldn't say for sure.
Well, the senior members of our story return safely from the track. Everyone is fine, except Sophia who's 50 bucks in the hole. Hmmmmm.... I wonder if Dorothy's future gambling problem is hereditary? Good foreshadowing. Alma is the big winner and offers to buy Sophia some bikini underwear. Sophia declines the offer and then in her continuing quest to forage for food, leaves the kitchen with a plate of who knows what.
Rose continues to not realize that her Mama is one tough cookie. Well, we're 9 minutes into the episode, and that's about all Alma can take of Rose's behavior. She's had it. She tells Rose off and storms out. Rose, as she often does, looks stunned.
Midnight... not a sound from the pavement.... OK, maybe not midnight, but, it's definitely evening. And Rose is anxiously waiting for Alma to return with Sophia again. Well, Sophia returns but Alma was loving that Miami nightlife, so, she stayed out on her own. Well, this throws Rose into an absolute state! I mean, her poor mother could be out there getting mugged by teenagers with bad hair cuts! But, she's active and vital, you say! Well, if you did say that, it would cue the phone ringing, and the police telling Rose that her active, vital mother was just picked up - lost and disoriented. Rose leaves, on her own (No, Dorothy, you're not welcome to come, you've done enough, thank you very much) to go pick up Mama.
Well, before we even have time to process all that's just happened - the hands of time are turned back by Ms. Blanche Elizabeth Devereaux. BED has really done it this time.
Between the dress, and the eye shadow - Dirk is sure to see her as a contemporary, as opposed to an old woman. At least, that's the theory of which Blanche seems pretty positive. In fact, she claims to be infallible on this one. Dorothy, of course, has doubts. As does Sophia. Her theory is that Dirk might kill Blanche. I'm assuming due to exhaustion. It's never really clarified, and with Sophia, who really knows - but, yeah, exhaustion.
Dirk arrives fresh from an audition for a bit part on Miami Vice and is not shy about telling Blanche how gorgeous she looks. And with that, our two love birds are off for the evening!
Next, we join Dorothy being the girlie girl we all know and love - fixing the plumbing under the sink. She wouldn't mind staying there. As she says:
Dorothy: The only peace and quiet I've had in two days. Blanche thinks she's Peter Pan and Rose is turning into Mommie Dearest.
This is some type of Gay Peak, right? A Mommie Dearest reference during The Golden Girls??? It has to be.
Rose and Mama Alma are finally back from the police station. And according to Alma - she was busted on a trumped up, bullsh#@t charge! All she did was flag down a cop to ask directions and before she knew it, they were taking her in! And then Rose had the nerve to embarrass her in the police station. Well, that's it. Alma is leaving in the morning, and Sophia is gonna help her pack. The seniors are sticking together!
Ya know what we need here? A heart to heart. A classic 80's after school special, Boy in the Plastic Bubble kind of heart to heart. And Dot's here to give it. She explains to Rose the plight of so many mother/daughter relationships. Daughters want independence (and training bras) from their mothers - and then, as the years go on, they start treating their mothers like little girls. Dot advises Rose to just treat Alma like a woman.
So, now we have back to back heart to hearts as Rose tries to make amends with Alma. Ya see, Rose has already lost her husband, and her father, so, she's just afraid of losing her mother too. Awwwwww, sweet Rose. And Alma understands. But, she knows that stopping her from living won't stop her from dying - so, they need to just enjoy the time they have. And, they will. Especially if they spend more time in Rose's sweet bedroom. I mean - I know that in the flashback episode a few years from now they show how Rose ended up with that bedroom over Dorothy. But, my question is, why did Blanche not take that bedroom from the start?? I mean, it's clearly the biggest, AND it's got that super sweet seating area! I totally want Rose's bedroom.
Apparently this is the night that never ends. Dorothy and Sophia are now setting the kitchen table. And using the good china. The good china that Sophia hauled all the way back from Sicily as a wedding gift for Dorothy's failed marriage. But, never the less, Dorothy has eaten through a lot of grrrrrrreat times on those plates. Hey - let's have another heart to heart shall we? I can't get enough. Sophia let's Dorothy know that she greatly appreciates the fact that Dorothy treats her like a person - not like an old lady. Dorothy is a good daughter. Dorothy is touched to hear that. Dorothy then gets a lil' smack on the back of the head from Sophia and a request for forgiving the $50 she stole to go to the track earlier. All is good.
Wait - I might have spoken too soon. Do you hear a Phil Collins song? You might. Because we have to find out what happens on Blanche's date with The Poor Man's Don Johnson. Well, things are not off to a good start because Blanche really wants the duck a'loraaaaaaange, but, then caves to peer pressure and ditches that idea for a salad, just cause that's what stupid Dirk is getting. And ya know what? He is a little bit stupid. He used to work at a museum, and says he loves art. But, what he actually loves his lifting art. He unloaded the trucks. All that art was great for his deltoids - which he then shows off by lifting up the dinner table that they're sitting at! Stoooopid. Oh, and the last book he read was Pumping Iron. Ok, so, the date isn't going so hot. But, then Dirk starts to compliment Blanche and it looks like we're starting to swing in the right direction. Until...... until........ UGH!
Dirk: You remind me of my mother.
Cue the world's saddest trombone.. Yup. He likes Blanche because he's homesick for his mother. Ugh. Stupid Dirk!!!!! 86 the salad - bring this woman an orange duck and a double Jack Daniels on the rocks.
Sophia and Alma are gambling for pretzel sticks while Dorothy and Rose worry about Blanche not being home from her date yet. Oh good. Rose has found someone new to worry about. Well, actually she's just not so sure about dating a younger man. Hmmm... smells like confession time. Dorothy dated a younger man once - before she had the hump on her back, naturally. And Alma - well, after her husband died, Alma had a three year relationship with a young farm hand who happened to be an ex-con. It's just like if Aunt Eller and Jud Frye got together! Rose is naturally horrified, but, tries to push aside her feelings to support her mothers long term affair with a random drifter. Good job, Rose!
Well, it's time for Blanche to face the music. She returns from her date, and does not want to talk about it, but then immediately talks about it because we've got to wrap this episode up.
Blanche: I'm just a little depressed. For the first time in my life I feel over 40.
Dorothy: You know why that is?
Blanche: Why?
Dorothy: Because you're over 50.
Ahhhhhhh, Dorothy. Always there to buck you up when you're feeling blue! Ok, listen - we'll get ONE more heart to heart and then we're done. And this time it really will buck you up! Dorothy refuses to feel sorry for Blanche. And ya know why? Because she's got her looks, her health, a few bucks in the bank - life is pretty darn good! So, she won't listen to any trombones! And neither will Rose! Right, Rose?? (Follow Dorothy, Rose...) Blanche, alone with just her thoughts and her eye shadow - realizes what we all know, all the time - Dorothy, is right. And with a final chuckle, we get the credits that put an end to the worlds longest day.
Guest Stars: Charles Hill - Dirk
Side rant here: Dorothy makes a reference that since Blanche is getting younger by the minute, she and Walt Disney can hang together when they unfreeze him. As a Disney fanatic, I always feel the need to point out that this old wives tale is just not true! Walt was never frozen. Didn't happen. So, there will never be an unfreezing. I wish he HAD been frozen so we'd have a shot of having him back, but, alas, no.
Ok, back to the girls. Blanche jogs out with door with her knees and breasts held equally high. Rose passes Blanche and tells her she looks great. And, then immediately tells Dorothy that she thinks Blanche looks terrible. Well, Rose, things are about to look worse - Sophia has taken Alma out of the house - gasp - and to the track to bet on the horses - double gasp!! Well, Rose does not like this one bit. She might even like it less than Dorothy's pleated fabric swath, but, I couldn't say for sure.
Well, the senior members of our story return safely from the track. Everyone is fine, except Sophia who's 50 bucks in the hole. Hmmmmm.... I wonder if Dorothy's future gambling problem is hereditary? Good foreshadowing. Alma is the big winner and offers to buy Sophia some bikini underwear. Sophia declines the offer and then in her continuing quest to forage for food, leaves the kitchen with a plate of who knows what.
Rose continues to not realize that her Mama is one tough cookie. Well, we're 9 minutes into the episode, and that's about all Alma can take of Rose's behavior. She's had it. She tells Rose off and storms out. Rose, as she often does, looks stunned.
Midnight... not a sound from the pavement.... OK, maybe not midnight, but, it's definitely evening. And Rose is anxiously waiting for Alma to return with Sophia again. Well, Sophia returns but Alma was loving that Miami nightlife, so, she stayed out on her own. Well, this throws Rose into an absolute state! I mean, her poor mother could be out there getting mugged by teenagers with bad hair cuts! But, she's active and vital, you say! Well, if you did say that, it would cue the phone ringing, and the police telling Rose that her active, vital mother was just picked up - lost and disoriented. Rose leaves, on her own (No, Dorothy, you're not welcome to come, you've done enough, thank you very much) to go pick up Mama.
Well, before we even have time to process all that's just happened - the hands of time are turned back by Ms. Blanche Elizabeth Devereaux. BED has really done it this time.
Between the dress, and the eye shadow - Dirk is sure to see her as a contemporary, as opposed to an old woman. At least, that's the theory of which Blanche seems pretty positive. In fact, she claims to be infallible on this one. Dorothy, of course, has doubts. As does Sophia. Her theory is that Dirk might kill Blanche. I'm assuming due to exhaustion. It's never really clarified, and with Sophia, who really knows - but, yeah, exhaustion.
Dirk arrives fresh from an audition for a bit part on Miami Vice and is not shy about telling Blanche how gorgeous she looks. And with that, our two love birds are off for the evening!
Next, we join Dorothy being the girlie girl we all know and love - fixing the plumbing under the sink. She wouldn't mind staying there. As she says:
Dorothy: The only peace and quiet I've had in two days. Blanche thinks she's Peter Pan and Rose is turning into Mommie Dearest.
This is some type of Gay Peak, right? A Mommie Dearest reference during The Golden Girls??? It has to be.
Rose and Mama Alma are finally back from the police station. And according to Alma - she was busted on a trumped up, bullsh#@t charge! All she did was flag down a cop to ask directions and before she knew it, they were taking her in! And then Rose had the nerve to embarrass her in the police station. Well, that's it. Alma is leaving in the morning, and Sophia is gonna help her pack. The seniors are sticking together!
Ya know what we need here? A heart to heart. A classic 80's after school special, Boy in the Plastic Bubble kind of heart to heart. And Dot's here to give it. She explains to Rose the plight of so many mother/daughter relationships. Daughters want independence (and training bras) from their mothers - and then, as the years go on, they start treating their mothers like little girls. Dot advises Rose to just treat Alma like a woman.
So, now we have back to back heart to hearts as Rose tries to make amends with Alma. Ya see, Rose has already lost her husband, and her father, so, she's just afraid of losing her mother too. Awwwwww, sweet Rose. And Alma understands. But, she knows that stopping her from living won't stop her from dying - so, they need to just enjoy the time they have. And, they will. Especially if they spend more time in Rose's sweet bedroom. I mean - I know that in the flashback episode a few years from now they show how Rose ended up with that bedroom over Dorothy. But, my question is, why did Blanche not take that bedroom from the start?? I mean, it's clearly the biggest, AND it's got that super sweet seating area! I totally want Rose's bedroom.
Apparently this is the night that never ends. Dorothy and Sophia are now setting the kitchen table. And using the good china. The good china that Sophia hauled all the way back from Sicily as a wedding gift for Dorothy's failed marriage. But, never the less, Dorothy has eaten through a lot of grrrrrrreat times on those plates. Hey - let's have another heart to heart shall we? I can't get enough. Sophia let's Dorothy know that she greatly appreciates the fact that Dorothy treats her like a person - not like an old lady. Dorothy is a good daughter. Dorothy is touched to hear that. Dorothy then gets a lil' smack on the back of the head from Sophia and a request for forgiving the $50 she stole to go to the track earlier. All is good.
Wait - I might have spoken too soon. Do you hear a Phil Collins song? You might. Because we have to find out what happens on Blanche's date with The Poor Man's Don Johnson. Well, things are not off to a good start because Blanche really wants the duck a'loraaaaaaange, but, then caves to peer pressure and ditches that idea for a salad, just cause that's what stupid Dirk is getting. And ya know what? He is a little bit stupid. He used to work at a museum, and says he loves art. But, what he actually loves his lifting art. He unloaded the trucks. All that art was great for his deltoids - which he then shows off by lifting up the dinner table that they're sitting at! Stoooopid. Oh, and the last book he read was Pumping Iron. Ok, so, the date isn't going so hot. But, then Dirk starts to compliment Blanche and it looks like we're starting to swing in the right direction. Until...... until........ UGH!
Dirk: You remind me of my mother.
Cue the world's saddest trombone.. Yup. He likes Blanche because he's homesick for his mother. Ugh. Stupid Dirk!!!!! 86 the salad - bring this woman an orange duck and a double Jack Daniels on the rocks.
Sophia and Alma are gambling for pretzel sticks while Dorothy and Rose worry about Blanche not being home from her date yet. Oh good. Rose has found someone new to worry about. Well, actually she's just not so sure about dating a younger man. Hmmm... smells like confession time. Dorothy dated a younger man once - before she had the hump on her back, naturally. And Alma - well, after her husband died, Alma had a three year relationship with a young farm hand who happened to be an ex-con. It's just like if Aunt Eller and Jud Frye got together! Rose is naturally horrified, but, tries to push aside her feelings to support her mothers long term affair with a random drifter. Good job, Rose!
Well, it's time for Blanche to face the music. She returns from her date, and does not want to talk about it, but then immediately talks about it because we've got to wrap this episode up.
Blanche: I'm just a little depressed. For the first time in my life I feel over 40.
Dorothy: You know why that is?
Blanche: Why?
Dorothy: Because you're over 50.
Ahhhhhhh, Dorothy. Always there to buck you up when you're feeling blue! Ok, listen - we'll get ONE more heart to heart and then we're done. And this time it really will buck you up! Dorothy refuses to feel sorry for Blanche. And ya know why? Because she's got her looks, her health, a few bucks in the bank - life is pretty darn good! So, she won't listen to any trombones! And neither will Rose! Right, Rose?? (Follow Dorothy, Rose...) Blanche, alone with just her thoughts and her eye shadow - realizes what we all know, all the time - Dorothy, is right. And with a final chuckle, we get the credits that put an end to the worlds longest day.
Guest Stars: Charles Hill - Dirk
Jeanette Nolan - Alma Lindstrom
Fun Fact: Jeanette Nolan, who plays Rose's mom in this episode, was only 10 years older than Betty White.
Fashion Report: 9 times out of 10, workout wear will win the fashion report. You have to go a long way to beat workout wear. Get it, Blanche!
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