S.1 E.10
The Heart Attack
Written by: Susan Harris
Directed by: Jim Drake
Aired: 11/23/85
Knuckle Bite™/Drip Dry - Ooooooh, Loooooooooord, it's a twister! Or, a, much heralded, Miami hurricane.
Either way, the extras in this first scene had the easiest gig since the time I was background on All My Children and had to stand at a pretend indoor bus stop for 10 minutes and then we were dismissed for the day. We join the scene as a wind blown Dorothy is bidding those extras safe travels as they run out the front door and DSR immediately off camera. Excellent work, everyone! Check's in the mail.
We move inside and see two of my favorite things on this show:
1) The buffet table.
2) A chocolate cake on the buffet table.
And the ladies? Well, they're pretty frosty at the moment too. At least, Ms. Blanche is. She is making fat joke after fat joke about poor Emma Jane from the party. Who's that? Who cares. I just know that this was a point in our television history where fat jokes were okey dokey! I feel bad for poor Emma Jane! Oh well... I have a feeling Blanche might change her tune about mocking the overweight... maybe...... once her DAUGHTER comes to visit! (Cue ominous music) Ahhhhh, but that's for another day.
So, the party clean up starts and there are various conversations about how delicious the food was, how sexy Italian men love Blanche, and, about what a ball of energy Sophia is. Well, here we go. This is one of a few rare episodes of the girls that genuinely only has one plot line. And that plot line is?
The bubble.
The bubble, you say?
Yes, the bubble.
Sophia has a bubble. In her chest. What's a bubble? Well, there's some debate about that. But, the consensus seems to be that it feels as though Pavarotti is on her chest. Which, is obviously not good. The doctor is out -
- so, the paramedics have been called. Until they arrive, there's nothing to do except make coffee and discuss death. So, let's do that! Among other relatives, Sophia's mother died of old age, and her father fell off a donkey, so, at least they have healthy hearts in their family. Now, I have to say, I think Rose has the best concept for death. Strangely enough, it's something I've thought of too.
Rose: There shouldn't be heart attacks. Or Cancer, or anything like that. There should just be a certain age where you have to turn your life in. Like a library book. You pack a bag, you go, and that's that.
Four stars. I agree. Circle gets the square.
But, we never really know when it will happen. So, best to get things in order. And Sophia does. With reminders about where the key to her safe deposit box is (underwear drawer), who should get the silver (Dorothy) and the side note that Dorothy is Sophia's favorite child. Interesting.... I'd bet that line would be followed by a joke of some sort. But, here, it's not. Hmmmm...
Let's check on the coffee.
The in depth look at death and all that goes with it continues. Blanche has a theory - that people in Minnesota live longer because the cold air slows the aging process. Anyone from Minnesota care to chime in on that? Seems like it would be a great place to move if not for the fact that the only men they have there are... farmers... farmers. <<< (The opinions expressed by Blanche Devereaux in no way reflect those of the management here at Walnut Groove or Rose Nylund)
Rose, is concerned about being buried comfortably. She'd like the contents of a small studio apartment to keep her company. Blanche, on the other hand, wants a funeral akin to what Lincoln had. Both reasonable.
The coffee is finally ready. So, now we're all back in the living room. Sophia tells all the girls how much she loves them. Then decides to rest for a while. Now is when we get one of the best moments of the series for me. Rose finally talks about how Charlie died. It's a lovely little monologue about Charlie having a heart attack while they were making love. It's got a few little laughs in it, but, it's just so damn lovely. And I had read years ago, that when Betty White was doing this monologue, she was thinking about the loss of her own husband, Allen Ludden. And, maybe I'm reading into things, but, I feel like you can totally see that once you know it, and then you can't un-see it, and it will break your heart every, single time. It's just this show at its best.
Bad news - the paramedics can't get through because of the storm. So, they've just got to sit tight and freeze for a commercial break. They do. They then come back and the girls tentatively, but intrusively, check on Sophia.
THAT WOULD BE JARRING TO WAKE UP TO!
And it was.
Sophia: AAAAAGGGGHHHHH!
Dorothy: What Ma, what???
Sophia: What?? You're sitting on top of me, I open my eyes, I see pores like that, I think I'm on the moon!
Well, Sophia insists that she died a little while she was napping. She's been to Heaven. She saw her husband, Sal. Jesus and God were busy. But, all in all, it's a great place and she wants to go back. But, for now, she'll pray with her rosary beads.
Sophia is left alone with Rose, which is probably a mistake if we're looking to keep Sophia motivated to not go back to Heaven. Especially when Rose starts to list the different categories of Heaven she believes exist:
Catholic: Churches, nuns, etc.
Protestant: People, cows, etc.
Jewish: Libraries, furriers, etc.
In Sophia's cozy, cozy bedroom, as Dorothy searches for the rosary beads, her and Blanche touch on the note that - no matter what age you are - losing a parent makes you feel like a little child. This episode is so damn touching!!
The Doctor is finally back in!
He made his way through the storm and beat the paramedics. After poking around Sophia's quadrants, all the while Sophia is pushing for him to eat, the good doctor inquires as to what Sophia has had to eat today. The list includes, but is not limited to:
1) Scungilli
2) Sausage and peppers
3) Fettucini Alfredo
4) Fried Mozzerella
5) Cannelloni
6) Mushrooms with Gorgonzola
7) Two boxes of Milk Duds
Well - I think we've found the cause of the bubble! Yeah. Gall bladder attack brought on by over eating. No one's dying tonight!
Dorothy gesticulates wildly to get Rose to throw the delicious leftovers away, and everything starts to wrap itself up. The food goes away. The happily married (Sorry, Blanche) Doctor goes away, and Sophia and Dorothy get to tell each other how happy they are that all turned out OK. Well, Dorothy is also happy that she's Sophia's favorite. Wait! Here it comes. The callback to our seemingly sincere moment earlier. Yeah... Dorothy's not the favorite. Nope. Not by a long shot. That was just said in the throes of death. Better luck next time, Dot.
We finish up under the light of a crescent moon in the kitchen. Some larger themes are approached here. And I like them. The girls become almost, philosophical. Wondering aloud, why, if death is everyone's inevitable ending, why they shouldn't do what they want while they're still alive? And what do they want to do? Same thing I want to do. EAT THE CHOCOLATE CAKE.
Just look at it. I looks - SO GOOD. With a little vanilla ice cream? Hot damn. Live while you can! Who wants to end up like Dorothy's friend who went to Paris, ate a salad, and then got crushed by a gargoyle? Not me! Well, after revving themselves up, they then think about the fact that they could eat, gain weight and live the next 40 years with their panties cutting off their circulation. So, instead, the decision is made to head off into the night to burn some calories, walking to Canada to look for Mounties. Excellent plan, ladies!
And to all... a good night!
(EAT THE CAKE)
Guest Stars: Ronald Hunter - Dr. Harris
And it was.
Sophia: AAAAAGGGGHHHHH!
Dorothy: What Ma, what???
Sophia: What?? You're sitting on top of me, I open my eyes, I see pores like that, I think I'm on the moon!
Well, Sophia insists that she died a little while she was napping. She's been to Heaven. She saw her husband, Sal. Jesus and God were busy. But, all in all, it's a great place and she wants to go back. But, for now, she'll pray with her rosary beads.
Sophia is left alone with Rose, which is probably a mistake if we're looking to keep Sophia motivated to not go back to Heaven. Especially when Rose starts to list the different categories of Heaven she believes exist:
Catholic: Churches, nuns, etc.
Protestant: People, cows, etc.
Jewish: Libraries, furriers, etc.
In Sophia's cozy, cozy bedroom, as Dorothy searches for the rosary beads, her and Blanche touch on the note that - no matter what age you are - losing a parent makes you feel like a little child. This episode is so damn touching!!
The Doctor is finally back in!
He made his way through the storm and beat the paramedics. After poking around Sophia's quadrants, all the while Sophia is pushing for him to eat, the good doctor inquires as to what Sophia has had to eat today. The list includes, but is not limited to:
1) Scungilli
2) Sausage and peppers
3) Fettucini Alfredo
4) Fried Mozzerella
5) Cannelloni
6) Mushrooms with Gorgonzola
7) Two boxes of Milk Duds
Well - I think we've found the cause of the bubble! Yeah. Gall bladder attack brought on by over eating. No one's dying tonight!
Dorothy gesticulates wildly to get Rose to throw the delicious leftovers away, and everything starts to wrap itself up. The food goes away. The happily married (Sorry, Blanche) Doctor goes away, and Sophia and Dorothy get to tell each other how happy they are that all turned out OK. Well, Dorothy is also happy that she's Sophia's favorite. Wait! Here it comes. The callback to our seemingly sincere moment earlier. Yeah... Dorothy's not the favorite. Nope. Not by a long shot. That was just said in the throes of death. Better luck next time, Dot.
We finish up under the light of a crescent moon in the kitchen. Some larger themes are approached here. And I like them. The girls become almost, philosophical. Wondering aloud, why, if death is everyone's inevitable ending, why they shouldn't do what they want while they're still alive? And what do they want to do? Same thing I want to do. EAT THE CHOCOLATE CAKE.
Just look at it. I looks - SO GOOD. With a little vanilla ice cream? Hot damn. Live while you can! Who wants to end up like Dorothy's friend who went to Paris, ate a salad, and then got crushed by a gargoyle? Not me! Well, after revving themselves up, they then think about the fact that they could eat, gain weight and live the next 40 years with their panties cutting off their circulation. So, instead, the decision is made to head off into the night to burn some calories, walking to Canada to look for Mounties. Excellent plan, ladies!
And to all... a good night!
(EAT THE CAKE)
Guest Stars: Ronald Hunter - Dr. Harris
Fun Fact: Charlie Lindstrom is not the only person to have a heart attack during sex and die. Lots of people have. And according to the internet, Nelson Rockefeller was one of them. And dying may not have been his only problem. He was having sex with his mistress at the time. Whoops.
Fashion Report: Well, this was a one costume show. So, I'm going to post all four ensembles, and you can pick your favorite. I mean, when in doubt, always go with Dorothy. Especially when she's got a floor length dress with buttons down the back that looks like it was made from sweatshirt fabric. But, that's just me. To each his own!
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