Tuesday, December 5, 2017

Everything Old Is Ewwwww Again (S.1 E.20)

S.1 E. 20
Adult Education
Written By: James Berg, Stan Zimmerman
Directed By: Jack Shea 

Aired: 2/22/86

Knuckle Bite™/Drip Dry. Sinatra is alive again! Oh glorious day! Sigh.... wouldn't it be nice? 

Yes, it would. But, he's not. But, for the next 22 minutes or so we can pretend he is as we journey back to 1986 when Dorothy tries for the third time in her life to see Ol' Blue Eyes live in concert. On her first attempt she got all the way to the Palladium and then had to spend the evening in the ladies room reviving an overcome Sophia. The second time, her tickets were a gift from Stan. But, then he also gave her the gift of divorce proceedings - during which she was skunked out of the tickets and ended up with the house and the kids instead. So, this is her shot! 

Unfortunately, after a lengthy amount of time spent on hold, Dorothy is informed that the concert is sold out. So, as it turns out - NO! NO! SHE WILL NOT HAVE A NICE DAY! But, she will start looking in the yellow pages for ticket brokers. Sophia offers to use her connections, but Dorothy scoffs. Yes, she scoffs! 

Blanche isn't having a nice day either. Despite being dressed like sherbet, she's unhappy, because she has failed her psychology test. Ya see, Blanche is going for her degree in order to get a promotion at the museum. She gets some encouragement from Rose (who is also dressed like sherbet), but things are not looking good. 

Well, the tickets brokers have not worked out. So, Dorothy is taking things to the next level. She's going to find herself a scalper. But, that's illegal, you say! Funny, Rose said the same thing. But, once it's been revealed that Rose is already a criminal who steals grapes at the local Piggly Wiggly, it's settled. Blanche, however, will not be taking part in the great ticket caper. Her final exam is that night. She's convinced she's going to fail. Studying is just not her thing. She tries to ditch out of it and head over to Wally's Bar but, is admonished by Dorothy and Rose. They both encourage her to see her teacher if she needs extra help. She's hesitant. Dorothy understands the hesitation. After all, she used to be intimidated by her teacher in grade school. Lil' Dot had a lil' lisp and was afraid to speak up and ask for help. But, once she eventually did, she was thrilled with the results. Her teacher was the one who inspired her to go into education. And because of that, Dorothy might someday be able to follow in the foot steps of Mrs. Lenoff and open a bed and breakfast on Whode Island. 

Bolstered by what would normally be excellent advice, Blanche is finally able to approach her teacher and ask for some extra help to pass his course. And I think it's fairly obvious to everyone that this guy screams "creeper" from the word go. And, a creeper he is. Completely ignoring the fact that Blanche is in the market for actual help, he does the standard creeper lean in, and gives her his "private number" and tells her that she'll use it if she wants to pass. Blech! Now I'm not even in the mood for sherbet anymore. 

Which is fine, because we've got Jell-O instead! Yes, Rose made Jell-O. Sophia is in no mood for it. 

Sophia: If God wanted peaches suspended in mid-air he would've filled them with helium. 

Understood. Side note: Last year I visited the Jell-O Museum in LeRoy, NY. Yes, it really exists. It was fun and I bought a t-shirt! Ok, so, back to Sophia cleaning out her purse. I mean, of course she is, it's Tuesday night after all. She's a little testy because she hasn't had sex in 15 years, but who wouldn't be? 

Big shot returns without any tickets. She didn't have the gumption to negotiate in a dark alley with a scalper with things moving in his hair. So, it's not looking good for the girls getting to see Frank. I mean, don't give up. We still have 14 minutes left in the show, but, for now - I'm not optimistic. 

A devastated Blanche returns to the house to inform the girls of her saga. And this is where we see how everything old is ewwww again. Dorothy points out that Blanche is being sexually harassed and that she needs to speak out to officials and fight for her rights. Sound familiar everyone? Oy. I mean, it's just been everywhere forever. Double Blech. Dorothy shares the fact that she is also a #metoo. She was harassed when she first started teaching. I mean, hers was a fairly open and shut case though, since the guy did it while wearing a corset and high heels. But still, she spoke out and he was forced to resign. (She got results?? Probably rare, back in the 80s.) Blanche is inspired and commits to speaking to the dean about her professor. 

Poor Rose is also a #metoo. Well, we think. See, she would always go to Lars Eriksons drug store and tackle shop for a sundae. Well, Nils Filander, Soda Jerk - Town Jerk - would always arrange the ice cream scoops in an obscene way. Unfortunately though, she could never prove her case.  By the time she'd take it home to show her father, the evidence had - all together now - MELTED! 

Ok, now I'm frankly not sure if I ever want sherbet again...

Blanche has her meeting with Dean Tucker. It's not a hell of a meeting though. Dean Tucker has only been Dean Tucker for a couple of days. He ain't ready for this! Blanche doesn't back down. So, the dean does the only thing he can think of - he fills out a form. It's a smidge embarrassing to ask the questions in this scenario. So, he basically asks Blanche to point out on the form which things the professor asked her to do. Turns out it's worse than we thought. It's not just #5. It's #5, 6 and 7B. Any witnesses? No. Can you hear the 'wamp waaaaaaah' music right at that moment? Blanche can. I can. Every woman on Earth can. It's the same ole, same ole. Without substantial evidence there's nothing they can do. It's her word against his. After all, a man's career is at stake! UGH! Blanche the Bad Ass points out  that her career is at stake too! Not to mention her dignity! Go, Blanche Go! This ain't over yet, folks. 

Blanche returns home ready to rip someone, anyone a new one. And understandably so! Unfortunately, the first person she runs into is Rose - who is ready to launch her own story and she's into orbit before Blanche can even start the count down. Rose won 4 tickets to the Sinatra show! How? Well, it's a long story, but, to sum up: 

Blanche: She was listening to her car radio. Big band, not all talk. There was a contest. Something about a little voice, a lucky number and a dime in the door handle, and bim bam boom she won the tickets. 
Dorothy: Take a lesson, Rose. THAT'S how you tell a story.

And Dorothy got tickets too! All she had to do was pretend she only had three weeks to live! Simple! 

Ok, now, can Blanche please tell her story??? Yes! Thank you! Wait! Not quite yet. Sophia got tickets too!!! Will the madness ever stop? Remember when Dorothy scoffed?? Well, Sophia came through. She does have connections after all. All she had to do was call Frank. Frank Caravici from the fish market. And Frank knows Frank - Tortoni, from the dry cleaners. Turns out Tortoni is third cousins with Tina - Sinatra! And bim bam boom, Sophia has tickets too. So now they have 10 tickets! What to do with the extras? Dorothy wants to scalp them. Dorothy! For shame. 

NOW can we hear Blanche's story? No. Now you all have wasted so much time, she's not going to tell it. She has realized that only she can help herself. And that's what she's going to do. She's going to study her butt off and pass the course on her own. As soon as she makes herself an ice cream sundae... and gets a little saucy with the chopped nuts. 

The Creeper is back in town. Blech. Blech. Blech. Blanche is the only student left in the classroom at the end of her final exam. And this jerk is really seeing an opportunity for himself. But, not so fast. Ms. Blanche Devereaux is a lady. And she tells off this jagweed with beauty and style. She's confident that she aced the test. And even if she hadn't her self respect is more important than passing his damn course. She exits with a classic - 

Blanche: You sir, can kiss my A.

Do. Not. Mess. With Badass Blanche! She is a force to be reckoned with. 

It's 2AM and the ladies are just returning from the Sinatra concert. Well, not exactly. Big Shot Dorothy made the mistake of scalping her extra tickets to an undercover cop. Whoooops! So, they spent the night in jail. As it turns out Dorothy was not meant to see Sinatra live. Sad. But, it's ok Dot. Neither was I. 

Once again, the ladies are rude and don't ask Blanche about how her night at school went. But, she tells them that everything went well and best of all she was able to tell off The Creeper. The only negative is that she won't be getting the promotion at work. The position went to Sally Folgerson. Instead of getting a degree, Sally got a tummy tuck and a butt lift. Arrrrrrggghhhh! And once again we cry - Everything old is Ewwwwww again!

Guest Stars: Jerry Hardin - Professor Cooper
                      James Staley - Dean Tucker

Fun Facts: James Staley did a ton of TV work in the 70s and 80s including episodes of Silver Spoons, The Love Boat, Punky Brewster and Remington Steele - just to name a few! Jerry Hardin has a huge resume including episodes of Miami Vice, Melrose Place and Who's the Boss. And, both guest actors this week will return to The Golden Girls in three years to play other roles. See you soon, fellas! 

Fashion Report: Were they all going to the same concert? I truly question that. 

Sunday, November 12, 2017

In Lieu Of Lou In Our Loo...(S.1 E.19)

S.1 E. 19
Second Motherhood
Written By: Christopher Lloyd
Directed By: Gary Shimokowa 

Aired: 2/15/86

Knuckle Bite™/Drip Dry. Speaking of drips... there are bathroom issues on Richmond Street. 

The girls are getting an estimate from a jerky plumber. And, as jerky plumbers are known to do (#notallplumbers -  just the jerky ones) he is giving the girls a bloated estimate on what the repair job would cost. Well, Dorothy Zbornak has no patience for this guy. So, before he can even throw her some plumbers platitudes, she shoves him out the door with a Stan Zbornak Slam. Sweet, industrious Rose happens to have some plumbing knowledge and thinks the girls might be able to do their own repairs and save a toilet full of money. What could possibly go wrong? 

Nothing. Not when Blanche is wearing purple satin pants. Nothing can go wrong on Purple Satin Pants Day. 

Blanche is in a quandary though. She has another date with Richard tonight and she never knows what to wear for dates with Richard because she never knows where they'll end up. Well, first off - as Dorothy says - even the paper boy knows where they'll end up. But, secondly - Blanche is wearing purple satin pants. And I don't want to overstate the obvious, but, purple satin pants are appropriate for literally any occasion. ANY ONE. There are zero occasions where purple satin pants are not the correct attire. Plus her mirror ball purple top? Despite her misgivings, I believe Blanche has things well in hand. 

I should also note that the reason Blanche doesn't know where she'll end up on her dates with Richard is because Richard is totally loaded and can take her anywhere. Speaking of that...

We cut to the image of a jet in flight, and who is inside this perfectly loooooovely jet? Why, Blanche. And she's trying to get the hang of all the modern conveniences that modern private jets have. (Side note - she accidentally turns on the stereo, and it begins playing Glenn Miller's Moonlight Serenade. Which is a song that will prove popular on this show in years to come.) But, she's interrupted by Richard. Richard is very impressed that Blanche seems very unimpressed with his wealth. She's a cool cucumber, Ms. Devereaux. Well, she is until she sits in a recliner that she didn't realize was a recliner. As Richard fixes drinks and tells us his life's story, Blanche is giving us some fabulous physical comedy, trying to get herself back to an upright position. She finally gets herself vertical again, and Richard tells Blanche that despite all his wealth and experience, the one thing he's still missing is someone to share it with. Music to Blanche's ears. 

Back in one of the biggest bathrooms I've ever seen, Rose is doing some preliminary research for the necessary repairs. She's tap, tap tappin' on the walls and talking about tank sweat. Blanche is tap, tap tappin' in her heels, arriving to talk about her date with Richard. And Sophia is, well, Sophia just needs them to all get out so she can use the toilet. But, before we let Sophia get down to business it should be mentioned - while Blanche was getting her peaches glazed on her date tonight, Richard told her that he wanted her to meet his family. Well, we all know what that means. Could a proposal be far behind? I doubt it. And also, once again - is this bathroom not huge?? I mean, this picture doesn't do it justice. 

Well, it's Saturday night and there's a snake in the house. No, Stan hasn't come for a visit. Dorothy and Rose are making progress in their bathroom escapades. All that's left to do is wait for the delivery of their brand new toilet. Are you on the edge of your seat? I'm on the edge of my seat. And speaking of seats - there's the doorbell now. Classic Dorothy moment coming up here:

Lou: Plumber
Dorothy: Can I see some identification, please?

Beautiful. And Dorothy knows it too. She hath cracked herself up. Well, Lou (look at his name tag carefully, Dot) has come to deliver their new Dolman Standard Low Boy. Funny - I just got a new toilet myself and got "comfort height" - I'm surprised the ladies would go for a low boy. But, maybe they have better knees than I do. Anyway - (look at the tag again) Lou is ready to install this showpiece of a throne. But, once Dorothy explains that she and Rose are planning to handle the installation themselves, the mood gets very dark. Lou claims one must be a trained man in order to handle a toilet installation. Dorothy and Rose don't take kindly to that (mis)information. So, Lou decides to leave the toilet right where it is in the living room, claiming that if they want to install it, they can move it too. That really doesn't go over well. I mean, Dorothy hides it well, but, her screaming "FINE!!! FINE!!! WE WILL!" might have been a bit of a giveaway that she was ticked. 

Sophia runs after Lou, because who the hell lets a plumber get away? The girls run into trouble immediately. The toilet is heavy! After making some "Ugh, ugh, grunt" noises Dorothy and Rose figure out that without 20,000 Hebrews, there's a slim chance they'll be able to move the toilet themselves. So, there she stays. As does Rose. She sits on the toilet to think. And that's just in time for Blanche to open the door and, almost, bring Richard in to meet the girls. But, the whole toilet in the living room thing makes her quickly shut the door and bid Richard farewell for the moment. 

When she returns inside we find out that it's happened. The big "it." Richard proposed. And Blanche accepted. One hitch though - Blanche met Richard's family - which consisted of two children, ages seven and nine. Well, Blanche Devereaux has the energy to do a lot of things, but, raise two more kids is not one of them. 

Are you all feeling hungry? Let's go to the kitchen. 

The girls transfer to the kitchen for a classic cheesecake scene. No cheesecake in this particular one, but, you get the idea. They're gonna talk it all out. Well, in surprise moves - Rose says she would definitely marry Richard, and Dorothy says she definitely wouldn't. Dorothy is not longing to be a mother again, but, Rose, our sweet Rose, would, of course love to be a mother again. The girls debate the good, bad and ugly of raising kids, going head to head on positives and negatives. Then they discuss being grandparents. But, Rose would still love to be a mother more. Her Mother's Days on the farm  - which included buttermilk and a live performance of the sock puppet show Elf Kingdom - were really something to remember. Bottom line is - Blanche isn't ready to make a decision. So, it's decided that she'll spend a few days with Richard and his children and see how it all goes. 

Sophia then drops in to hand deliver my favorite part of the entire episode. She owes Dorothy an apology for criticizing her handy man skills. 

Sophia: I walk into the living room and there's a toilet in front of the television set. It's an old ladies dream come true!

And, with that she exits. Perfection. 

Back in the bathroom, things are not going well. Again, though - look at the size of this bathroom!

I don't really know what the actual plumbing problem was that they were initially having, but, the wall being ripped out, two toilets, and the shower turning on when you try to wash your hands says to me - things are not going well. And just to make things worse - Here comes Lou! Yes, Sophia found Lou and brought him back to save the day. But, since Lou is still committed to being a sexist jerk, Dorothy forcefully escorts (check the nametag one more time) Lou right back out of the house with a final Stan Slam. Is Lou right? Will he be back? Spoiler alert - he will not. At least, not as a plumber. Although the girls may run into him years later at one of Dorothy's birthday parties. But, that's a story for another day.  

Today's story is that Blanche has just returned from a trip to Bermuda where Little Richard buried Fats Domino in the sand. She also spent the day with Richard's children. They got along great, so, no problems there. But, she's noticed that she hardly ever sees Richard since he's so busy with his work. And she wonders if the only reason he wants to marry her is to have a mother for his children...

Back on Richard's private jet, while he makes plans for their honeymoon, Blanche tries to muster up the courage to have a heart to heart about their relationship.  

She has come to a few conclusions. Blanche is third in Richard's life - behind his work and his kids. And that's not the kind of marriage that Blanche Devereaux is looking for. Not only that, but, she feels that Richard is missing out on his kids lives by focusing on too many things. So, with that, she lets him down easy and leaves the door open to possibly getting back together once he's free to focus more on a relationship. She let's him down easy, but, still looking sexy as hell in this backless number! (She also tries to dramatically exit, and then realizes she's 30,000 feet in the air. Oops.)

Well, some time has passed and things have improved around the house. Blanche is finally getting over Richard. And, more importantly - the bathroom is working again! Yes, our ladies have managed to put things back together. And now, they can run all the water they want without fear of having the worlds largest flood in the worlds largest bathroom. Sounds like a good day to me. And since Dorothy and Rose are so excited in this final scene (Dorothy is actually making other worldly noises that I love) - why not end this post with an old school style sitcom action shot freeze frame to capture that excitement?! 

Guest Stars: Kevin McCarthy - Richard
                      Alan Blumenfeld - Lou
                      Terry Willis - Plumber

Fun Facts: This week has fun guest stars - as per usual. But, my favorite connection is one that might not mean much to other folks. Unless you're a fan of other smart shows built around smart, funny women. Alan Blumenfeld has an extensive IMDB page and remains a sought after actor. He's been in a million things (including a later episode of Golden Girls). But, it wasn't until just now that I realized that he played the Rabbi on several episodes of Gilmore Girls! Another one of my favorite shows, and I had never made the connection. And now I'll think of this episode every time I see him in Luke's Diner. And Kevin McCarthy also has a huge resume which includes performing on tons of live theatrical presentations in the 50's and also starring in Invasion of the Body Snatchers. Not too shabby. 

This episode was written by Christopher Lloyd. Not the actor, but, the writer/producer. Talk about another extensive career. Jeez. He wrote 11 Golden Girls episodes in all. He was an executive producer/writer on Frasier, a producer/writer on Wings, co-creator/executive producer/writer on Modern Family among many others. But, most importantly - he was the executive producer of... Golden Palace. Long live Christopher Lloyd!

Fashion Report: First off, Backless Blanche is amazing. Second - Rose wears a headband when doing plumbing work - which I enjoy. Is she afraid her hair is going to get in the way? Because it moves so much? I mean... come on... 

And then there's Blanche Devereaux and her total commitment to color. #Bravery. 

Thursday, October 26, 2017

Go Dorothy, Go! (S.1 E.18)

S.1 Ep.18
The Operation
Written By: Winifred Hervey
Directed By: Terry Hughes

Aired: 2/8/86

Knuckle Bite™/Drip Dry. I'M SO EXCITED! No, I did not have another Maple Syrup Honey Brown Sugar Molasses Rice Krispies Log. Although I would. I'M SO EXCITED because there is TAP DANCING in this episode! Our girls are flap ball changing their way across the greater Miami area and I could not be more excited about it!

Where to begin? With Rose's 6 Count Cincinnati Riff with a Double Pull back? Maybe... 

With all the leg warmers? Perhaps...

I mean, it really doesn't matter. There's no losing this week. Although, the girls might lose out on the thrill of performing in their recital if Dorothy doesn't recover! Ya see, Dorothy and her leg warmers could barely walk through the door as they came home from tap class tonight. The problem? Well, according to Dot it's no big deal. Just a little pain that comes and goes. She thinks the bigger story is that Sophia is knitting a bottle cover for her sherry that she takes to the park for her Cloud Society meetings. 

Sophia: We stake out a bench, knock a few sherrys back, and discuss what we think the clouds look like. One afternoon I thought I saw Pat Sajak riding side saddle on a dolphin. 

Well, yes, that definitely seems like an interesting avenue to head down, but, my guess is that Dorothy and her 'no big deal' problem are going to play the starring role this week. 

The girls move to the kitchen to eat salad from an enormous bowl and listen to Rose talk about an over pet cat and a dead horse. You know, dinner conversation. Dorothy tries to prove that her foot problem is a non-issue by attempting a Cincinnati time step herself. She gets as far as a full out clap with a "And a 1 - " before she immediately collapses into the cucumber slices. Yes, yes, she's going to have to have this all checked out by a doctor. Again. She had it checked out once before - in 1965. But, perhaps it might be time for a followup appointment. Then Blanche insults Dorothy's dancing, Dorothy makes like she's gonna stab Blanche with a fork, and I feel all warm and fuzzy inside. 

Maybe that's because it's Too Darn Hot! YES. We have arrived. Rose and Blanche have pulled up their tights, put on the Cole Porter and tapped right into my heart. 

First off it is vital to note that these chicks got gams! They look fantastic. And no, not - fantastic for their age - they just look fantastic. Secondly, it's vital to note that this is one of my all time favorite moments in all of Golden Girls Land. This scene. The girls are going through their routine for the recital, sans Dorothy. They get to her solo where Rose gives us a line I quote much more than I probably ever should:

Rose: Go Dorothy, go!

And as it goes on... and on... Blanche notes:

Blanche: Gosh, I didn't realize how long Dorothy's solo is. I sure hope that doctor says she's gonna be alright. 

God, this kills me. I mean, to put it in perspective, Rose and Blanche each get 2 counts of 8 for their solos. Dorothy gets 8 counts. EIGHT. EIGHT FULL COUNTS OF EIGHT. And yes, I did go back and count to make sure I was right. And, no, I don't have anything better to do with my time. Sometimes I dream at night - what would a tap solo by Dorothy Zbornak look like? A long tap solo. Could the reality ever fulfill my fantasies? If only, if only, if only... Maybe this is why I've had trouble sleeping lately. 

Anyway, I just want to thank everyone that had anything to do with this scene happening. 

And here's our star now - Gene Kelly Dorothy is back from the doctor with a cane and a diagnosis. Morton's Neuroma. Sounds a bit like a combo steak house/anxiety attack. But, in actuality, it's a thickening of the tissue surrounding nerves in your foot, which causes sharp pains. The good thing is that it can be completely cured with minor surgery that just requires one night in the hospital. The bad news is, Dorothy hates hospitals, doctors, blood, death, and the nighties that don't close in the back. So, she is NOT going to get it taken care of. Wait, wait, she IS going to get it taken care of. Guilt is a powerful motivator. And if there's one thing Sophia Petrillo is good at (besides intricate cloud imagery) it's laying on the guilt. Which she does. Listing all the degrees of pain she'll feel if Dorothy doesn't take care of herself. We get the idea this is not the first time Dorothy has heard this speech. But, it works. So, mission accomplished. 

Dorothy has been admitted into a perfectly loooovely room that some people have probably died in. She's nervous. But, Sophia's motherly instincts kick in and she regales them all with a story of Sicilian surgery which involves people paying extra to be smothered by pillows, or something. I think. I rewound it twice but can't really concentrate on anything but picturing my fantasy Zbornak tap tour de force.  

Visiting hours are over, so, the ladies leave. Dorothy attempts to join them, but, is captured and forcibly restrained. I mean, not really. She just gets back in the bed. But the ladies are out and the doctor is in. Not the doctor Dorothy is expecting though. Her expected doctor is unfortunately unable to attend the surgery due to a court hearing on a malpractice suit. So, we get UNexpected doctor who fully admits to being not nearly as good a doctor as the malpractice guy. None of this is bringing any comfort to our poor Gregory Hines Dot. Her last straw comes when a priest comes in and begins administering the last rites. Believing, of course, that Dorothy was a Mr. Ferguson. She is obviously not. I mean, would a Mr. Ferguson wear a full face of make up and pink silk pajamas? Well, wait a minute... it is Miami... 

Dorothy makes a break for it and ends up at The House of the Rising Palm Trees. 

Yes, Rose, it is Dorothy - not a "Big, ugly man with a limp wearing Dorothy's coat" - as you would naturally assume. It's Donald O'Connor Dorothy in the flesh. The girls, once again, do their best to convince Dorothy that her operation is no big whoop and she's going to be fine. Blanche tried to comfort her by sharing her own phobia - flying. Rose tries to comfort her by telling her horror stories from the summer she was a candy striper... nice effort, Rose. But, nothing is working. And Dorothy makes is very clear that no one and nothing is going to make her go back. CUE SOPHIA. There she is. And now we get to the root of Dorothy's phobia. When she was 5, she had her tonsils removed. Well, her father Sal couldn't stay at the hospital because he had to work in order to pay for the operation. And, Sophia couldn't stay at the hospital because she had to attend the funeral of Uncle "23 stab wounds at a block party and nobody saw a thing" Mario. So, little Dottie was left all alone and traumatized by it for years to come. The tale of woe does not in any way slow Sophia down. She declares she'll perform the surgery herself, just to show Dorothy how ridiculous she's being. And, with that, Sophia wins again. Fred Astaire Dorothy takes her top hat cane and gimps back to the hospital. 

Dorothy is wheeled into a new room with a new sunny outlook. Not really. She's being a total crank. But, then she meets Bonnie! Now, Bonnie has a sunny outlook. She has a braid in her hair and is going to let nothing get her down. She's having surgery too. Her second mastectomy. Yup, second. Bonnie's been through a lot. She very simply and directly gives Dorothy the low down on what she's faced, and we see immediately that Dorothy is having a moment. It has finally clicked that her problems could be much, much worse than they are. And now she feels a little silly for being so dramatic up till now. 

Bonnie: Dorothy, are you alright? How do you feel? 
Dorothy: Like a fool. Like a damn fool. 

Yas, gurl. Yas. 

Meanwhile, back at headquarters - Rose and Blanche clearly didn't want to have to make too many costume changes. So, they are buttoned and scarfed up to their chins to hide their big finale costumes. 

It's the night of the recital. And there's a bigger issue than the fact that Ann Miller Dorothy isn't going to be in their number. Blanche is scared! Yes, flying is not her only phobia. She can't perform... in front of groups. (side eye) You see, when she was in dance class as a child she had to perform in a recital. It didn't go well. SO not well that it's damn near poetic. 

Blanche: 12 little girls started to dance. 
                1 little girl wet her pants. 

                 That girl in the puddle was me!

Blanche, not wanting a repeat of that experience, pleads with Rose to let her stay home. Rose, sweet little Rose, grits her teeth, bares her fangs and tells Blanche to suck it up. She is hard core show biz and I love it. 

Sophia sleeps soundly waiting for Dorothy to wake up from surgery. ARE YOU HAPPY NOW, DOROTHY??? Your 85(ish) year old mother has sat in the same chair for 8 hours waiting for you to wake up just to help you over your biiiiiig trauma. And Bonnie seems to be doing ok too. She's not there, because Sophia sent her on a cafeteria run. But, I'm assuming if she felt up to that, then she's in good enough shape to handle her upcoming surgery. Good luck, Bonnie!

Buttoned and scarfed Rose and Blanche come to visit Dorothy. Who, btw, is totally fine. She's a little groggy and has some mild discomfort. All that drama for that. She'll be back in dancing shape before ya know it. But, it might not matter. You see, the recital went well. Really well. So well that the girls have been asked to take their act on the road. To a cotillion of all places! But, since Bill 'Bojangles' Robinson Dorothy was busy fixing her steak house anxiety condition, the girls had to make some changes to the act. They used to be the Tip Tap Trio (a name I'll use for something since it's not taken anymore), but, are now - The Two Merry Widows! Dorothy has been axed! And, with that, they whip off their coats, turn on a mid tempo version of Tea for Two, and dance, dance, dance! Blanche and Rose dancing as a pissed off Dorothy glares at them is really the PERFECT way to end this episode. Any episode. Any episode of any show. 

Guest Stars: Robert Picardo - Dr. Revell
                       Anne Haney - Bonnie
                       Bill Quinn - The Priest 

Fun Facts: This episode is loaded with character actors who put their stamp on TV history. Robert Picardo has one of the longest lists of credits I've seen on IMBD - 219! That's more than Billy Barty, and this guy is still working! He's one of those character actors that you might not know the name, but you've definitely seem him in stuff. Lots of stuff. Anne Haney - you know her the minute you hear her voice. She's got one of those voices that's just memorable. She's one of those actors that always fit right into tv shows. AND, she made a guest appearance on Golden Palace. (All hail The Golden Palace) And, last but not least, Bill Quinn. One of my favorite character actors that always seemed to pop up on the best shows on TV. The Odd Couple, The Bob Newhart Show, and several appearances as Mary's dad on The Mary Tyler Moore Show. Just to name a few. In good company this week, for sure!

Fashion Report: I mean. Duh. Everything you need in life is right here.