S.1 E.12
The Custody Battle
Written by: Susan Harris, Winifred Hervey
Directed by: Terry Hughes
Aired: 12/7/85
Starting off with a moment of silence today. We lost the fabulous John McMartin this past week. An incredibly talented and versatile actor, best known to GG fans as the ever sexy, but faithfully devoted - Father Leahy. Put on your best "Mother of a Solid Gold Dancer" top and raise a glass in tribute.
Now -
Knuckle Bite™/Drip Dry - We begin this evening's performance with a silent opera entitled "Dorothy and Sophia Wash Dishes" - a parable in three movements.
They wash, they dry, Sophia is unsatisfied. Repeat. Repeat.
It's riveting. And funny. These chicks can get laughs without a word on the page. And this is why we love them so.
But, eventually they do start to chat. Sophia has a bee in her bonnet. She wants Dorothy to find a man for herself. But, Dorothy has other things on her mind - a visitor is imminent. Gloria is coming to Florida! Gloria - daughter to Sophia, sister to Dorothy, rich widow who lives in California. Now, it seems that Gloria doesn't do much in the way of contributing to the familial relationships, but, Sophia seems to have a bit of a blind spot there. She defends Gloria and seems to look at her as a great success. She's got money, and apparently at least three dates a year - so, she's doing better than Dorothy!
Someone else who's doing better than Dorothy? Blanche! Here she comes looking freaking fabulous.
She's got a hot date tonight (duh!) with Jason, the director of their community theater who is considering her for the role of Lady Macbeth in Mr. William Shakespeare's Macbeth - and I just love everything about that. I think this is the first time in the series that the girls get theatrical. And whenever there's theater involved, it's a great episode.
Sophia, of course, is hoping that Blanche can help Dorothy out and find her a man. But, it's too late. Blanche has already set up Rose with the directors "fat lighting designer" friend. Ahhhh, fat jokes, again. Good times. Thanks, 1980's. Hey, speaking of the 1980's - in case you forgot that this show takes place in them, we have two strong reminders in this scene! First - Rose's dress:
And second - a Jane Pauley joke. A Jane Pauley joke that, also kinda makes me wonder if Rose knocked back a few gin and tonics before heading out for this blind date:
Rose: Maybe he could explain to me how the three way bulb works. I've always wondered about that.
Dorothy: I've always wondered about the same thing, Rose. That, and what Jane Pauley looks like standing up.
Rose: Maybe she can't stand up. Maybe Willard has to carry her around the set.
And with that, Blanche and Rose are out the door.
Sophia then tries to set Dorothy up with a fingerless melon squeezer she met in the supermarket. It goes over just about as well as you would imagine. The two fight. Sophia decides to get a little space and get out of the house. And, it's only now that I realize how truly enormous the front doorknob is. Poor lil' Sophia can barely get her hand around it. But, anything worth having is worth fighting for. So, she makes it out and we get some sweet transition music.
Bright and early the next morning, our players take their places in the kitchen. Orange juice is afoot. Blanche is confident that her "audition" the night before has made her a shoo in for Lady Macbeth. Rose reminds her to be cautious. Blanche is not. Will this serve Blanche well? Probs not.
Dorothy and Sophia are still bickering. Maybe they need a mediator?
Rose: Why don't you two kiss and make up?
Sophia: Why don't you blow it out your ditty bag?
Maybe not.
Ding dong, Gloria's here! How exciting! She's arrived with great energy, a giant purse, a Mr.T gold chain, and presents! Woo hoo! I like this Gloria. Yeah, she's trying to buy Sophia's love with electric blankets, and sure, she's mentioning her driver just to drop in the hint that she's loaded. But, in general, I like her. Especially when Sophia makes a smart remark, and Gloria reacts with a fabulous take to absolutely no one on her left. It's quick, it's 100% full out, and it's to no one. I love it.
Oh, on a side note - this episode is where we first get multiple mentions of Phil Petrillo - brother to Dorothy and Gloria, son to Sophia. No descriptions of what exactly is up with Phil, but, let's just say, something's definitely up.
Anyway - Gloria has also gotten Dorothy a present. A gift certificate for a complete makeover! (RUDE). But, Dorothy seems excited. So, cool. Of course, that is until Sophia tells her not to expect a miracle. (DOUBLE RUDE). But, Dorothy handles it well. She stares Sophia down and does, well, not a double take, but, approximately a 37 take at the doorway. She then turns on her heel and she and her very unflattering top are off to the kitchen, as we're off to another scene transition.
Later that same day (Apartment 3G 4EVA) the girls join Dorothy for a beverage. Well, according to Blanche the audition for Macbeth went great and she has zero doubts about whether or not she'll get the part. Once again, Maybe Tipsy Rose warns Blanche that there were many strong actresses up for the part. But, does Blanche listen? No ma'am, she does not. I love all the foreshadowing in this episode. Fits in quite nicely with the theatrical themes.
Anyway, the girls then get to chatting about siblings. Dorothy, as we can already tell, feels that Gloria is the favorite in her family. Blanche knew that she wasn't the favorite because her parents told her. And Rose lived in a dream world full of siblings, sugar plum fairies and possibly Michael Landon. Blanche and Dot have heard enough. So, they're out. Rose goes to follow, and quite possibly has forgotten how a swinging door works. (totally drunk)
It's bedtime y'all. And Dorothy is sorting through the incredibly large volume of luggage that Gloria's brought with her.
Gloria is looking downright radiant in her nightgown.
This show just never misses on pajamas. Bravo, Wardrobe Department. I want this damn nightgown. And, I don't even like to wear nightgowns.
Gloria is looking lovely, but, working in little digs at Dorothy wherever she can get them in. And she's a total braggy pants. Talking about her mansion and her servants and how Bert Convy shops in her grocery store. Sidenote - this episode is more jam packed with 80's celebrities than an episode of the Match Game Hollywood Squares Hour. But yeah, Gloria's got a pretty sweet life out in California. And, this is where she drops the bomb - she'd like to share that life with Sophia. She wants Sophia to come and live with her permanently. And, according to Gloria, she's already asked, and Sophia is on board. Oh boy. I don't know about you, but right about now Dorothy and I need a short intermission and maybe a snack.
Done.
Dorothy checks in with Sophia to see if Gloria's info is accurate. And, sad to say, it is. Neither Sophia or Dorothy seem too thrilled with this idea (Bert Convy aside), but, they leave it alone for the moment and Sophia continues to pack up her perfumes while wearing her awesome nightgown.
Our main players reassemble in the kitchen for a dramatic confrontation scene. We all knew it was coming. It was written in the stars. Alas, Blanche was not cast as Lady Macbeth. And Rose had to be the bearer of the bad news. And to add insult to injury, who did get the role? Why, our dear Boozy Rose! Yup. Rose was cast as Lady Macbeth and Blanche was cast as Witch No.3. How did Blanche take the news? See below.
And on top of that news, Dorothy now has to tell the girls that Sophia is moving out. Well, if anything will drive you straight to the cookie jar, it's news like that. No one is happy about it. Blanche and Rose are determined to keep Sophia right where she is, but, Dorothy feels she doesn't have a right to interfere. Sigh. How will all this drama resolve itself? Stay tuned for the thrilling conclusion.
Dorothy and Gloria have a long overdue heart to heart. And you know Dot means business because she popped her collar.
She reams out Gloria for sweeping in with her money, her fancy clothes and her promises of Bert Convy and then trying to steal Ma! Isn't it enough she was always the favorite?? Well, not so fast Dorothy! Turns out Gloria was never the favorite. Dorothy is the one that Sophia can always depend on. Dorothy is the one Sophia turns to in times of need. Dorothy is the one Sophia saw having a bright future. Dorothy is the one Sophia actually wants to live with. Well... would ya look at that? Gloria was just trying to hang off of Dorothy's popped collar coat tails for a bit and see what it feels like to be on top.
Dorothy is now feeling all kinds 'a confident. So she struts into Sophia's room and tells her that she's staying put in Miami and that's that. And ya know what? It is. Sophia gives in immediately. She's pretty thrilled that her children are fighting over who gets to have her around. She's truly feeling the love. Even for Phil.
As the sun sets over the House of Golden Girls peace is once again restored. Gloria has happily resolved any differences with Dorothy. The girls are thrilled that Sophia is staying. And Sophia re-gifts to the ladies several personal items she's stolen from them in the past. With that, they decide it's time to do one of their periodic sweeps of Sophia's room. The girls exit stage right - with Rose taking that extra second to get her bearings and navigate the swinging door successfully.
Curtain.
End of Play.
Guest Stars: Doris Belack - Gloria
Starting off with a moment of silence today. We lost the fabulous John McMartin this past week. An incredibly talented and versatile actor, best known to GG fans as the ever sexy, but faithfully devoted - Father Leahy. Put on your best "Mother of a Solid Gold Dancer" top and raise a glass in tribute.
Now -
Knuckle Bite™/Drip Dry - We begin this evening's performance with a silent opera entitled "Dorothy and Sophia Wash Dishes" - a parable in three movements.
They wash, they dry, Sophia is unsatisfied. Repeat. Repeat.
It's riveting. And funny. These chicks can get laughs without a word on the page. And this is why we love them so.
But, eventually they do start to chat. Sophia has a bee in her bonnet. She wants Dorothy to find a man for herself. But, Dorothy has other things on her mind - a visitor is imminent. Gloria is coming to Florida! Gloria - daughter to Sophia, sister to Dorothy, rich widow who lives in California. Now, it seems that Gloria doesn't do much in the way of contributing to the familial relationships, but, Sophia seems to have a bit of a blind spot there. She defends Gloria and seems to look at her as a great success. She's got money, and apparently at least three dates a year - so, she's doing better than Dorothy!
Someone else who's doing better than Dorothy? Blanche! Here she comes looking freaking fabulous.
She's got a hot date tonight (duh!) with Jason, the director of their community theater who is considering her for the role of Lady Macbeth in Mr. William Shakespeare's Macbeth - and I just love everything about that. I think this is the first time in the series that the girls get theatrical. And whenever there's theater involved, it's a great episode.
Sophia, of course, is hoping that Blanche can help Dorothy out and find her a man. But, it's too late. Blanche has already set up Rose with the directors "fat lighting designer" friend. Ahhhh, fat jokes, again. Good times. Thanks, 1980's. Hey, speaking of the 1980's - in case you forgot that this show takes place in them, we have two strong reminders in this scene! First - Rose's dress:
And second - a Jane Pauley joke. A Jane Pauley joke that, also kinda makes me wonder if Rose knocked back a few gin and tonics before heading out for this blind date:
Rose: Maybe he could explain to me how the three way bulb works. I've always wondered about that.
Dorothy: I've always wondered about the same thing, Rose. That, and what Jane Pauley looks like standing up.
Rose: Maybe she can't stand up. Maybe Willard has to carry her around the set.
And with that, Blanche and Rose are out the door.
Sophia then tries to set Dorothy up with a fingerless melon squeezer she met in the supermarket. It goes over just about as well as you would imagine. The two fight. Sophia decides to get a little space and get out of the house. And, it's only now that I realize how truly enormous the front doorknob is. Poor lil' Sophia can barely get her hand around it. But, anything worth having is worth fighting for. So, she makes it out and we get some sweet transition music.
Bright and early the next morning, our players take their places in the kitchen. Orange juice is afoot. Blanche is confident that her "audition" the night before has made her a shoo in for Lady Macbeth. Rose reminds her to be cautious. Blanche is not. Will this serve Blanche well? Probs not.
Dorothy and Sophia are still bickering. Maybe they need a mediator?
Rose: Why don't you two kiss and make up?
Sophia: Why don't you blow it out your ditty bag?
Maybe not.
Ding dong, Gloria's here! How exciting! She's arrived with great energy, a giant purse, a Mr.T gold chain, and presents! Woo hoo! I like this Gloria. Yeah, she's trying to buy Sophia's love with electric blankets, and sure, she's mentioning her driver just to drop in the hint that she's loaded. But, in general, I like her. Especially when Sophia makes a smart remark, and Gloria reacts with a fabulous take to absolutely no one on her left. It's quick, it's 100% full out, and it's to no one. I love it.
Oh, on a side note - this episode is where we first get multiple mentions of Phil Petrillo - brother to Dorothy and Gloria, son to Sophia. No descriptions of what exactly is up with Phil, but, let's just say, something's definitely up.
Anyway - Gloria has also gotten Dorothy a present. A gift certificate for a complete makeover! (RUDE). But, Dorothy seems excited. So, cool. Of course, that is until Sophia tells her not to expect a miracle. (DOUBLE RUDE). But, Dorothy handles it well. She stares Sophia down and does, well, not a double take, but, approximately a 37 take at the doorway. She then turns on her heel and she and her very unflattering top are off to the kitchen, as we're off to another scene transition.
Later that same day (Apartment 3G 4EVA) the girls join Dorothy for a beverage. Well, according to Blanche the audition for Macbeth went great and she has zero doubts about whether or not she'll get the part. Once again, Maybe Tipsy Rose warns Blanche that there were many strong actresses up for the part. But, does Blanche listen? No ma'am, she does not. I love all the foreshadowing in this episode. Fits in quite nicely with the theatrical themes.
Anyway, the girls then get to chatting about siblings. Dorothy, as we can already tell, feels that Gloria is the favorite in her family. Blanche knew that she wasn't the favorite because her parents told her. And Rose lived in a dream world full of siblings, sugar plum fairies and possibly Michael Landon. Blanche and Dot have heard enough. So, they're out. Rose goes to follow, and quite possibly has forgotten how a swinging door works. (totally drunk)
It's bedtime y'all. And Dorothy is sorting through the incredibly large volume of luggage that Gloria's brought with her.
Gloria is looking downright radiant in her nightgown.
This show just never misses on pajamas. Bravo, Wardrobe Department. I want this damn nightgown. And, I don't even like to wear nightgowns.
Gloria is looking lovely, but, working in little digs at Dorothy wherever she can get them in. And she's a total braggy pants. Talking about her mansion and her servants and how Bert Convy shops in her grocery store. Sidenote - this episode is more jam packed with 80's celebrities than an episode of the Match Game Hollywood Squares Hour. But yeah, Gloria's got a pretty sweet life out in California. And, this is where she drops the bomb - she'd like to share that life with Sophia. She wants Sophia to come and live with her permanently. And, according to Gloria, she's already asked, and Sophia is on board. Oh boy. I don't know about you, but right about now Dorothy and I need a short intermission and maybe a snack.
Done.
Dorothy checks in with Sophia to see if Gloria's info is accurate. And, sad to say, it is. Neither Sophia or Dorothy seem too thrilled with this idea (Bert Convy aside), but, they leave it alone for the moment and Sophia continues to pack up her perfumes while wearing her awesome nightgown.
Our main players reassemble in the kitchen for a dramatic confrontation scene. We all knew it was coming. It was written in the stars. Alas, Blanche was not cast as Lady Macbeth. And Rose had to be the bearer of the bad news. And to add insult to injury, who did get the role? Why, our dear Boozy Rose! Yup. Rose was cast as Lady Macbeth and Blanche was cast as Witch No.3. How did Blanche take the news? See below.
And on top of that news, Dorothy now has to tell the girls that Sophia is moving out. Well, if anything will drive you straight to the cookie jar, it's news like that. No one is happy about it. Blanche and Rose are determined to keep Sophia right where she is, but, Dorothy feels she doesn't have a right to interfere. Sigh. How will all this drama resolve itself? Stay tuned for the thrilling conclusion.
Dorothy and Gloria have a long overdue heart to heart. And you know Dot means business because she popped her collar.
She reams out Gloria for sweeping in with her money, her fancy clothes and her promises of Bert Convy and then trying to steal Ma! Isn't it enough she was always the favorite?? Well, not so fast Dorothy! Turns out Gloria was never the favorite. Dorothy is the one that Sophia can always depend on. Dorothy is the one Sophia turns to in times of need. Dorothy is the one Sophia saw having a bright future. Dorothy is the one Sophia actually wants to live with. Well... would ya look at that? Gloria was just trying to hang off of Dorothy's popped collar coat tails for a bit and see what it feels like to be on top.
Dorothy is now feeling all kinds 'a confident. So she struts into Sophia's room and tells her that she's staying put in Miami and that's that. And ya know what? It is. Sophia gives in immediately. She's pretty thrilled that her children are fighting over who gets to have her around. She's truly feeling the love. Even for Phil.
As the sun sets over the House of Golden Girls peace is once again restored. Gloria has happily resolved any differences with Dorothy. The girls are thrilled that Sophia is staying. And Sophia re-gifts to the ladies several personal items she's stolen from them in the past. With that, they decide it's time to do one of their periodic sweeps of Sophia's room. The girls exit stage right - with Rose taking that extra second to get her bearings and navigate the swinging door successfully.
Curtain.
End of Play.
Guest Stars: Doris Belack - Gloria
Fun Fact: Doris Belack had a hell of a career. I can only assume that the reason she was not brought back to play Gloria again in Season 7 of GG was because she was too busy working on a myriad of awesome projects. Ms. Belack's last project (according to IMDB) was voice work on Grand Theft Auto IV. Pretty bad ass for someone in their 80's. I think Sophia would be proud.
Fashion Report: Another strong week with a lot of focus on strong colors, and awesome nightwear. This week I'd like to single out the outfit that not only looked quite comfortable, but, hit all of the character's basic requirements (shoulder pads/draping) and also functioned as a confidence builder. A wardrobe choice that truly married character and story. For when you pop your collar, there is no problem that cannot be solved.
