S.1 Ep.14
That Was No Lady
Written By: Liz Sage
Directed By: Jim Drake
Aired: 12/21/85
Knuckle Bite™/Drip Dry. Props department!
Rose and Sophia are out on the lanai playing a board game that definitely does not look like Trivial Pursuit. But, includes trivia questions. But, the board definitely doesn't look like a trivia type board. Well, let's just assume that they bought some type of off brand version of the game at the Pick n' Save. But, as they say in the cockpit - That's not important right now. Blanche has made the decision to buy a new car! Well, she can only buy it if she unloads her old car. So, she and Sophia talk Rose into giving the car a two week trial to see if she would like to purchase it. It's a bit flashy for Rose, but, she's feeling a little Lady Gaga this week and decides to go ahead and live on the edge of glory.
Well, now who is this ray of sunshine making her way out to join the group? Why, can it be?? It's Dorothy... in a fantastic mood! Freeze that moment in your mind folks. It's as rare as a solar eclipse. And, you can look at it without safety shades. As far as I know? (I did feel the need for safety shades when my BFF and I saw Bea's one woman show in New York and she came out barefoot. But, that's a story for another day. I mean, her feet looked fine. It was just jarring!) What I do know is that there is only one thing in the world that puts Dorothy in this type of mood - a man. And, she's got one! Or, at least a date with one. Glen O'Brien, gorgeous gym teacher at Dorothy's school. After flattening a bunch of students in the cafeteria line, girl got herself a date. And she is positively smitten! Hit by the thunderbolt, as Blanche says. The thunderbolt of love at first sight - which Rose also knows quite well. She experienced it when she first saw Charlie and he sold her an insurance policy on her little red wagon. A little red wagon that was, unfortunately destroyed by a vicious act of swine. You live, you learn - don't haul a smoked ham past a group of angry pigs....
Hey - why don't we all go to a hotel in the middle of the day and make sweet, sweet love? No? Ok, well, maybe just Dorothy and Glen will. It's three weeks later and seems like they've been doing quite a bit of that. But.... wait just one second! That's not Glen O'Brien - that's Charlie Polniaczek, Jo Polniaczek's dad from Facts of Life! And you all know it! (Yes, yes, he was in The Godfather too, big whoop.) It's Jo's dad!!!
Oh, man. Jo's dad is dating Dorothy Zbornak. How is this gonna go over in Peekskill??? And it is hot and heavy. Dorothy is coo coo nuts over this man. She just made love during the day without a worry about how she looked, how she sounded (like a gorgon on that particular line), whatever is jiggling. I mean, it seems to be going amazingly well.
Dorothy is ready to take things to the next level. A trip to the Bahamas where they never leave the hotel room. But, Glen can't do it. Why not, you ask? Well, because he's married of course! Why else would they be meeting in the middle of the day at a hotel to make sweet, sweet love?! Dorothy is devastated. And outta there. After a misfire where she storms out - into the closet, she leaves Glen/Charlie P. alone with nothing but his cheating self and whatever room service macadamias might be left in the minibar. Man, I can't believe Natalie didn't get the scoop on this one and publish an expose in the Eastland paper.
Well, some time has passed, and Rose is still driving around in Blanche's car. Or, she's trying to. Turns out the car isn't in great shape. It makes more noises than Tony Treano getting wheeled out of Shady Pines on a gurney. Blanche, being the good friend and upstanding person she is, discourages Rose from taking the car to a mechanic. Oh Blanche, come on, don't rook your friend! Stop being shady! Shady Pines, that is! And poor, innocent Rose. Wearing my favorite palette from the JC Penney photo spread for COMFORT FASHIONS/SPRING '85 - just falls for it hook, line and sinker.
Speaking of palates, that was a nice little cleanser, wasn't it? Hope you enjoyed it. Cause now we've gotta get back to Dorothy moping around the greater Miami area with her scarlet letter. Girl is in a complete depression. She's not going to work. Avoiding calls from her boss. Glen is calling her constantly. Avoiding calls from him. But, eventually she answers the phone and it's him and now she's stuck. What should she do?? Blanche thinks that if her and Glen really feel passionately about each other that they should go for it. While Rose, is absolutely certain that this affair is wrong. You know who would have the answer to this quandary??
Oh, don't look so shocked. You know as well as I do that she would know the right thing to do. She always does. Well, Edna's not in town. So, Dorothy goes with her gut. Well, maybe not her gut, but, her heart. Her hormones? All of the above? Who knows. But, she decides to meet up with Glen again. She keeps it on the DL and doesn't tell the other girls. Not even Tootie. Cause everyone knows she can't keep a secret.
Night time sharpens, heightens each sensation. I think the sensations here though are guilt and anger - not good ones, like in a musical, that's for sure. Dorothy is returning from seeing Glen/Charlie P. Seeing him naked. In a motel. Well, Rose is shocked and dismayed, naturally.
Rose: A motel! Dorothy! A cheap, tawdry, beer bulb den of iniquity??
Dorothy: We didn't drive to Sodom and Gomorrah, Rose!
Rose literally covers her ears and the girls storm off in opposite directions. Rose slams the kitchen door, which is never gonna be as dramatic as she wants it to be because it's a swinging door, but, oh well. We do the best we can with what we have at the time. Anyway, Dorothy ends up joining her in the kitchen, as does Blanche. Rose is in full on "late night, sandwich, judgmental mode." Blanche is in more of a "late night, pick at some olives and subtly hint that the affair might not be a great choice mode." Dorothy is in full on "enormous piece of amazing looking chocolate cake, defensive mode." We learn a few things in this scene:
1) Rose can be REALLY sanctimonious when she wants to be.
2) Blanche has never been with a married man.
3) When checking in at a motel, always say you're Mrs. Don Shula and you'll get complimentary fruit and champagne.
Just in the nick of time Sophia comes in and she's in "late night dropping truth bombs mode."
Sophia: I raised you to have respect for yourself. Not be someone's floozy.
I just have a feeling that Sophia Petrillo and Edna Garrett would've been great friends. Now, THAT'S a spin off show that should've happened! Maybe the two of them traveling cross country in a winnebago giving people blunt, but caring advice? Damn. That was a missed opportunity.
Anyway, it's a new dawn, a new day, and Sophia is rocking out to Purple Rain just as you'd expect.
Rose enters the lanai in a tizzy, looking for Blanche. Sophia doesn't care because she's busy playing air guitar and singing the melody wrong. But, then we all care because Blanche enters wearing something from the JC Penney photo spread for COMFORT TABLECLOTHS/SPRING '85.
I mean... she had to have done something to tick off Judy Evans this day, right? Well, anyway, Blanche has finally come to her senses and comes clean with Rose that her car is a terrible car and she cannot, in good conscience sell it to Rose. She's a smidge late with that info though, as the car has been stolen! We now get a quick ride on the the Blanche Devereaux Roller Coaster of Selfish Emotions. First stop - blaming Rose for the car getting stolen. Second stop - elation when Sophia lets her know that the insurance will pay her full blue book for the car. And, final stop - denial, when Rose calls her out on the fact that Blanche was trying to cheat her by selling her a rotten car. What a ride.
Dorothy enters to let us know that she's meeting up with Mrs. O'Brien's husband again. You know, Dorothy keeps talking about how happy she is with Glen. Yet, every time she says it, she looks miserable. Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm... I wonder why that is. Maybe we'll find out in the last 4 minutes of the episode...
Sexy or pensive? You tell me... Maybe a bit of both. It seems that our sensible Dorothy has finally located those senses again and come back to them. Glen refuses to leave his wife for fear he'll end up alone. Dorothy realizes that this leaves her with no future. So, she bids him a heartfelt farewell. Not a minute too soon. I mean, if she had found out about his secret identity, his prison record for burglary and his tomboy daughter with a mullet in Peekskill, it would've been even more devastating.
Dorothy returns home to help Sophia put away the dishes, and make amends. All is well again between mother and daughter. Rose and Blanche decide that Dorothy and Sophia need a spin in Blanche's new sports car in order to lift the pall that's been hanging over them all. At first Dorothy begs off, but, then agrees to the jaunt and they all happily trot off to drive to a magical place where nekkid guys wrestle in the mud. A happy ending for all.
And whatever becomes of Glen O'Brien? Did he eventually leave his wife and his job and take up a position in law enforcement in a city up north? Possibly... Or, did he go on an angry rampage after being dumped and leave a trail of devastation culminating with the destruction of beloved upstate New York institution Edna's Edibles??
Only the employees of Over Our Heads will ever really know for sure...
Guest Star: Alex Rocco - Glen O'Brien
Fun Fact: Ok, get a load of this one. On IMDB, Alex Rocco is credited as the voice of "Bea Arthur" on an episode of Family Guy from 2001. Season 3, Episode 15 "Ready, Willing and Disabled."
Fashion Report: JC Penney did the girls proud this week. But, I have to give it up to Ms. Bea because she's in one of her trademark "Dorothy Has A Date" pantsuits.
No comments:
Post a Comment