Here we are finally getting some nice warm weather - well, actually, we're getting some Donna Summer "Hot Stuff" kinda weather. It has jumped from freezing my arse off under my down comforter to sweatin' to the oldies doing nothing but walking to the fridge. Speaking of my fridge - it's just after noon, and I've already eaten pie...from the fridge... wrong? Meh... whatever.
Anyway, this kind of weather always gets me in the mood to go out and start hitting amusement parks. I do love them so. I'll pretty much to go any one, any where, any time. In fact, my bachelorette party was at Six Flags Great Adventure. The bridal party was, largely, not amused by this choice. They would've all preferred spa treatments and Happy Hour. But, I was able to ride roller coasters all day, and take home a t-shirt with an airbrushed rainbow unicorn on it. So, I win.
Speaking of Six Flags - back in the day - long, long ago, I actually auditioned for... an amusement park... ummm, a different one ... Really! ... I won't mention the name... But, at this point in my life, I thought it might be a fun time to live somewhere in the vicinity of exit 7A off the NJ Turnpike for the summer and be a part of some..."entertainment."(not naming any names, I love love love all amusement parks)
So, I hopped in my Toyota Celica and made the drive from Long Island to Jersey early one morning. Had to get there early to beat the crowds, right?? I was no show biz novice. So, I finally arrived, and made my way to the employee entrance. I remember being a little excited at getting to go into the park the back way. I could just see myself doing that every day for the whole summer! This could be the start of something great...
I finally found the entrance for the auditions. It was actually in the theater where they perform in the park. At the time, people were calling it the Big Stage. Wow... the Big Stage!!! It'll be just like Radio City Music Hall! (it wasn't)
I thought it was odd that it seemed kind of quiet as I rounded the corner to check in. "I'm sure everyone is probably just getting in the zone and concentrating" I thought to myself. Man, I couldn't wait to knock 'em dead. I came around the bend, and, it was deserted. As in, not one other person there. Nobody. Did I have the right day? Yes. Right place? Yes. Ok, then. Good for me. This is the dream, right? Going to an audition and no one else showing up? So, I checked in and sat down to wait. (Wait for what? I was the only one there!) And then, someone else showed up. But, it was still all good, because he was a he, so, he'd be no competition for me! The friendly gent sat beside me and began chatting. Turns out he wasn't even a singer - he was a magician! I scoffed in my head! So, there we were - just Me and My Magician (possible sitcom to develop here?) waiting to knock 'em dead with our overwhelming fierceness!
I was up first. Oh, did I mention that we had to bring our own accompaniment? On cassette? Yes. So, I had a tape of myself playing I Got Rhythm to sing to. I knew it would be a hit because I had already gotten cast in a production of Fiddler on the Roof using the same song! (Note: The emotional depth of I Got Rhythm totally mirrors the emotional depth of the role of Tzeitel. Apparently. #smartactorchoices) So, I got up there on the big stage and socked 'em right between the eyes. Once they recovered, they asked me to stay for the movement call. Happy to! I was already picturing how I'd spend my breaks at the fried chicken place and getting old timey photos taken of myself.
I had a few minutes of downtime where My Magician (patent pending) complimented me on my performance and then said "Well, I mean, I guess we've kinda got this locked up. I mean, we're the only two people here!" The odds did seem in our favor...
I was then called back to the big stage to the dance call. Alone. On the big stage. Solo dance routine on the big stage with only the auditioners and My Magician in the house. This could be awkward. Well, who am I kidding? This WAS awkward. This is when the odds are NOT in my favor. I do not imagine myself to be a solo dancer. I mean, I can rock a box step with the best of 'em, and even throw in a little kick ball change where necessary, but, I like to be realistic. But, I'm a game girl, so, I got up on the big stage and did exactly what they asked me to do. Which was a series of patriotic marching, saluting and smiling set to the tune of Bad, Bad Leroy Brown.
I REPEAT: A series of patriotic marching, saluting and smiling set to the tune of Bad, Bad Leroy Brown. ALONE.
I'd like for you to take a moment and reeeeally get that image in your head...
.....
Cool. So, I went for it. I marched the crap outta Leroy Brown. I saluted like it was the damn Star Spangled Banner! I was the baddest marcher in the whole damn town! I finished. They said, 'thank you.' I had shown them everything I could. I came off the big stage, still ridin' high - gathered my things to prepare for a long, and satisfied drive home. I was almost, almost smug. I bid My Magician a fond farewell, and he said, "Well, I guess I'll see ya this summer!" "I hope so!" I said - fully confident that I would be there, and if the cruel blade of the biz would cut anyone, it would be HE who would be turned out on the street with his rabbit and hat.
So, I drove. Back to the civilization I knew - one of diners and malls as far as the eye could see. And I waited. I waited for the inevitable phone call proclaiming me to be the find they had been searching for!
And I waited....
It. Never. Came.
(Cue Descending Slide Whistle here)
I never did go and see the show to see who was in it. Did they cast no one and just run the music and lights hoping that would be entertainment enough?? Did they cast the magician and make the rabbit do the marching?? I'll never know.
But, here I am. Many years later... still with the faint hope that someday, someday the people who cast that show (if they're still alive) will finally see the light and invite me to join them on the Big Stage.
I don't know what ever became of My Magician©, but every now and again, off in the distance, I hear the soft strains of Bad, Bad Leroy Brown, and I think of him, and smile... and throw him a salute.
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