I don't think this is news to anyone who knows me.
I mean, I try to be a nice, fun person, but, sometimes... just sometimes... I can be a bit of a pain in the ass.
It can come in different forms depending on the situation or the day. But one of my favorite reasons to be just a bit of a pain in the ass can be - vocabulary. I have an issue with vocabulary. Actually, I have an issue with the rampant misuse of vocabulary in the world today. I genuinely find it shocking how many, supposedly competent, successful people can misuse, mispronounce and misunderstand so many words in the English language. Sometimes it can be hilarious. Sometimes it can be irritating as all get out.
This is not to say that I'm perfect. I'm certainly not. And, I make my fair share of technical grammatical errors, I'm sure. But, I'm talking basics here. This is what grinds my gears today. Well, why waste time? Let's get into some examples:
1. Jewelry
This is a biggie for me. Huge. It should be pronounced exactly as it is spelled. But, how often are we forced to listen to someone say "jew-la-ree?" That drives me bonkers! I've also heard "jewry." I mean, maybe I'm watching too much Real Housewives, but, the mispronunciation of this word seems to be nationwide. So, make a note to yourself - fix this, and you will sound like less of a stooge out in the world.
2. Underwears
Now, maybe my problem here is being from Long Island. But, this one sounded wrong to me when I was 10, and it sounds wrong to me now. Leave off the last 'S' for savings. Please.
3. Itch vs. Scratch
Ok, here's a usage issue. You have an itch. You then scratch the itch. The itch then goes away. Simple. People who say something like, "I have to itch my leg" - those people should stay in their homes. Just stay there and don't go out. You sound like an idiot. You MEAN that you HAVE an itch and therefore need to SCRATCH that itch. If you itch an itch you have somehow managed to add to your initial problem. You are now twice as itchy. Best get someone who knows how to scratch.
4. Your/You're
There/Their/They're
To/Too
Are we STILL on this one?? How the hell did you graduate grammar school? How do you manage to put on pants in the morning and go to work? How did you get a job? Do you own property? How did that happen? Tell me you're secret too how you did that because your the smartest person they're ever was! (see? annoying, right?) THINK!
5. Conversate
This, again, might be an issue of too much Housewives (is there such a thing???) but, this one genuinely makes me laugh. Reason being - the people that use this bastardized non-existent form of the word 'converse' are actually trying extra hard to sound really smart and sophisticated. That extra effort is immediately null and void the moment it falls out of their mouth breathing mouths. Oh, and you can also include the extra verby form of it - conversatin' - in the same category.
There are a million of these floating around nowadays. And with the advent of the internet and texting the situation has only gotten worse. It makes me sad. It permeates writing, conversation, music, everything. I think Eugene O'Neill would be incensed. Cole Porter would probably roll his eyes, snort, and then go have another brandy. Dorothy Parker would make a brilliant remark and then go have a brandy with Cole and Eugene. I just get irritated. Then laugh and judge the person in my head. Everyone needs a hobby I guess. What's yours?
Oh and, just as a sidebar, another of my favorite moments of people trying extra hard to sound smart and therefore making themselves sound REALLY dumb? The Real Housewives of OC. I know, I know, easy target, but, this one was priceless. There was a big party (shock), and a fight broke out between two of the women (double shock) and Tamara (one of the partying fighting women) kept yelling that she had a "cyst and decease" letter from her lawyer. Cyst and decease. That's beautiful.
I will now leave you with the word a friend of mine introduced to me this weekend. It's new. It's wrong. He was mocked mercilessly. And I, for one, am hoping it catches on. - I hope the rest of your day is - superbulous.
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