S.1 E. 4
Transplant
Written By: Susan Harris
Directed By: Paul Bogart
Aired: 10/5/85
Knuckle Bite™/Drip Dry and we're off.
We open today with Rose sitting on the living room floor trying to arrange a sad lil' vase of flowers. It's not going as well as it could, but, she doesn't look too upset about it. She ain't mad 'bout it. But, Blanche is in a state! She comes flying into the room with a very large floral arrangement. She tries to find the right place for it (the right place ends up being the same spot where ANOTHER very large floral arrangement already sits). Blanche is frantic because her sister Virginia is coming for a visit. And Blanche cannot stand Virginia! Virginia made life miserable for Blanche and her other sister Charmaine! The first real mention of the sisters. Yay! I love it when we start getting deeper into Blanche's family. Before you know it, it'll be season 7 and we'll get to watch that Sophia mannequin go flying off the plantation roof! But for now - Rose simply cannot fathom how anyone could hate their sister. Which, we ALSO know is a load of crap because in just a few seasons, we'll hear Rose talking similar smack about her own sister! Ah, Continuity, why must I keep on a-searching for you??
Anyway, they chat about it for a bit, and then Sophia enters spraying air freshener, which gets a huge laugh. And we get to see that they're still kinda deciding on what exactly her hair is going to be.
Dorothy enters in a rare happy mood. She's thrilled. Why? Because she's carrying an obviously fake baby, that's why! There is just not a chance in the world that if that baby were real, she would carry it with such wild abandon! It's like when they carry beverages on tv shows that are obviously not filled with actual liquid. No way.
Who is this fake baby? Well, it's Danny. Son of Lucy and Ted. Who are Lucy and Ted? If you know, you're ahead of me. But, they are friends of some sort. And, Ted had a water skiing accident. So, the girls have been tasked with taking care of this fake baby till the parents return from the hospital. Oh and for authenticity, we do get one overhead shot of an actual real baby. Well, Blanche is not happy that the baby is here. She' been cleaning frantically for her sisters visit and:
Blanche: Babies make a mess.
Dorothy: In di-ap-ers. And unless we use them as placemats, your sister will never know.
And yes, Dorothy does say "di-ap-ers" as does Rose in a few years when she "di-ap-ers" a turkey. It's moments like these when I really start to feel like I have too much time on my hands... Oh, and one more observation from the entrance of Fake Baby. As Dorothy enters, in the hubbub, there is some ad libbing? And Rose says "Where did you find..." to Dorothy. Where did she find what? The baby?? Does she think Dot just found it like, on the street? At the supermarket? In the mailbox? What an odd question to immediately come to mind. Asking where someone found a baby. Even a Fake Baby.
Moving on. Dorothy and Sophia leave to put Fake Baby to bed. Blanche goes on to explain in further detail why she can't stand Virginia. See, once Virginia was born, Blanche didn't seem to exist anymore. Virginia even got the Baby Jesus mad at Blanche on Christmas Eve. She tricked Blanche into electrocuting herself. And with that anecdote, we get one of my favorite Blanche moments ever. When she was electrocuted, she did a crazy rubber dance. You know she did it. You know you love it. I do too. So much so, that I learned how to make a gif so I could put it here.
I could honestly watch that all day.
Well, time has passed and here come Virginia and Blanche into the living room after having lunch on the lanai. Virginia is telling Blanche how lovely everything is. Blanche calls her out on using lovely in a passive aggressive way. I'm assuming that lovely was just another version of the classic southern "Bless your heart." To get back at her, Blanche takes a few jabs at Virginia's looks and then really tries to get her by (Dated Reference Alert!) telling her that the house was decorated by Nancy Reagan's interior decorator. Ooooooh, buuuuuurn. Virginia gives a few jabs back and then tries to call a truce.
We cut to the rest of the ladies in Dot's bedroom where Fake Baby is being fussy. Rose mentions that she used to put brandy in her babies bottles for colic. As opposed to on their teeth for teething.
Rose: My babies were very happy.
Sophia: Put it in my bottle, I'll be happy too.
Rose is marveling at all of the new innovations in baby wipes and bottles. Speaking of bottles.
Sophia (to Dorothy): I nursed. Your brother was 12 when he stopped. He wanted to come home from school for lunch. (points to her chest) I've got nothin' left up here.
I love that Sophia is getting a smidge more involved with each episode. For the most part she's still just popping in and out of scenes to make a smart remark, but, we'll eventually get to her having her own storylines and I can't wait. Blanche enters to say that she and Virginia are meeting up for dinner that night. Blanche mentions that Virginia was nicer than she's ever been. That's nice, right? No! It's not nice. Blanche is just wondering what she's up to.
Well, let's find out what she's up to! We join Blanche and Virginia at dinner. Blanche is still jabbing at Virginia. Telling her about all she took away from her through life and how she stole the man Blanche loved and made Blanche stand up at the wedding even though she was in a dress that made her look like a swamp frog. Blanche just can't stop. Virginia makes a toast to new beginnings and Blanche keeps on pushing. So, Virginia comes out with it. She tells Blanche, that she's dying. We now get a VERY tight close up on Blanche as she sits stunned.
Back home that evening Dot and Sophia are on the couch and man oh man is Sophia going to town on some Fritos. She is chomping away and you can imagine how pleased Dorothy looks. Blanche enters, still stunned by what she's been told. After some prodding from Dorothy, Blanche reveals that Virginia is dying. Rose enters and is briefly under the impression that Blanche is the one dying. She's wrong, of course. If a broken clock is right twice a day, then Rose is wrong however many other minutes of the day there are. So, yeah, she's wrong now. But, now Blanche reveals the kicker. Virginia DID want something. She wants Blanche's kidney. Ooooooh, buuuuuuurn. Then they play their serious sounding transition music, and break for commercial. Good act break there! I'd definitely tune in after the commercials.
Well, here we are back after the commercials continuing right on. Rose inquires as to why Virginia would want Blanche's kidney. To which Dorothy responds:
Dorothy: To feed the cat, Rose!
And of course, the line reading Bea gives that is "With the anger of 1,000 Miami suns."
Ok, so, Virginia is in renal failure and Blanche doesn't know what to do. There's a very awkward extreme close up of Sophia for one sass line and then the girls all transfer to the kitchen. Blanche needs to eat. So, she pulls out what looks like some really big chicken wings, grapes, some type of casserole and assorted containers. No sooner does she pull them all out when she decides she can't eat. She's too upset. So, she leaves. The girls discuss what they would do if they were in Blanche's situation. Dorothy would do it in a heartbeat for her kids. Rose would do it for her old dog - which is so sweet and so Rose (and also so Betty White?), and Sophia would do it for all of her kids except Phil. (I'm guessing she wouldn't do it for Brenda Vaccaro either) Phil never calls, never writes and sends a cheddar cheese nativity scene every Christmas. Universe? If you know where I can locate a cheddar cheese nativity scene, or, really ANY cheddar cheese scene of any kind, please let me know. I want to know. I need to know. Thanks bunches.
Blanche and Miss V are in the living room discussing the whole kidney sitch. Virginia tells Blanche that she completely understands if she's not willing to give up her kidney. In fact, Virginia isn't sure what she would do if the tables were turned. Sophia pops in to say that Virginia and Blanche are family and if you can't count on family, who can you count on? Well, one lone person in the audience totally agrees with this and attempts, unsuccessfully, to start a round of applause. Nice try, lone person. The sisters then bond while they tear down third sister, Charmaine. These chicks really love to talk smack about each other. It's charming. Sophia pops in again, in some adorably tiny polyester pants, to offer her own (uncontrollable) kidney.
I haven't talked too much about the fashion this week yet. And that's mainly because there haven't really been any glaring miscarriages of justice. I mean, Dorothy is in something completely shapeless, yet again, but, at least they're seeming to refine the shapelessness a smidge. Juuuust a smidge. So, while we're on the topic. I love what Blanche is wearing in this scene. This blue and black dress with a flared skirt that looks like it could've been worn by a prostitute in the 1930's. Not like, a low rent one. A nice, classy kind of prostitute. I really love it. And she looks fabulous in it. Might be my winner for the week.
Ok, so, back to our scene. Virginia tells Blanche that she'll understand no matter what decision she makes. She hugs Blanche and tells her she loves her. Blanche does a little involuntary inhale that is beautiful. And Virginia departs for Atlanta.
The girls are now back in the kitchen, presumably with those giant chicken wings still in the fridge. The women have both stories for this week going at once here. Fake Baby has been sleeping all day and they can't figure out why. Oh, wait, they figure it out fairly quickly. Well, Dorothy does. It's because the women keep waking him up at night. Stop waking up Fake Baby! That's all we needed for that story. Now, back to the main event. Blanche hasn't been able to sleep either. But, she has decided that she is going to give her kidney to Virginia. She wants her sister to live so they can have the chance to get to know each other as adults. After all, Virginia is the only family she has. Is that true? Of course not. Rose mentions Charmaine, which launches Blanche into a little tirade about how Charmaine was REALLY the horrible sister who made life miserable for Blanche and Virginia. Hard to keep up. These southern sisters are complicated! Can you imagine if they had ever been on an episode of Say Yes to the Dress: Atlanta?? Oh man, that would've been a hateful little episode that I would watch over and over. Anyway, Blanche exits to go pack, Dorothy gives Rose a look like she just ate a bad egg sandwich and we move to the next scene.
Now it's time to say goodbye to all our Fake Babies. (Did you sing that line using the melody from The Mickey Mouse Club? If not go back and try again.) We get one more overhead shot of an actual baby, and then Dorothy exits to return Fake Baby to the prop closet. Blanche is in Atlanta having her surgery, and Rose and Sophia are wondering how she's making out. Rose then launches into an interminably long story about always holding her breath when she's in a hospital. (There are sick people in there, ya know.) Sophia takes it pretty well, and mercifully, Dorothy comes in and interrupts with the happy news that Lucy and Ted - remember our good friends? - have agreed to let the ladies babysit again next month. Huzzah! Blanche enters right behind Dorothy with the happiest news of all. She still has her kidney, and her sister will be fine! They couldn't use Blanche's kidney. Her blood vessels were too small.
Blanche: Well, of course they're too small. I've always been very petite.
And they found a donor for Virginia. A retired mormon school teacher - with a kidney that was showroom new! And, on top of that - the best bestest news! The hunky doctor who examined Blanche is going to be in Miami next week! It's all wrapping up just like it's a 30 minute sitcom, isn't it?
Blanche has realized that she and Virginia have a chance for a real relationship now. Those of us in the know, know how well that's going to work out. But, for now, let's celebrate! Let's do something wild! Several ideas are thrown out:
1) Flying to Freeport to gamble all night (Sophia) - shot down by Dorothy
2) Going to Disneyworld to ride the tea cups (Rose) - shot down by Dorothy
3) Going to a bar to pick up over the hill astronauts (Blanche) - shot down by Dorothy with an angry pinch to Blanche's shoulder.
Wow - way to rain on EVERYONE'S parade, Dot!
Rose finally comes up with the winner. There's some rocky road in the freezer. With that, the girls leap from the wicker, run towards the kitchen, and our credits roll on out.
So, that wraps another early episode where we're dipping our toes into the lives of each of our Golden Girls one at a time. And it comes with a lesson - Remember folks - love your family. Or, be super bitchy about them till they're almost gone, and then try being nice. Whatever works.
Guest star: Sheree North
Fun Fact: Sheree North appeared in a two part episode of Bob Hope Presents The Chrysler Theatre: Code Name: Heraclitus - which also starred Leslie Nielsen. The episodes aired at the end of 1966 and start of 1967. And Leslie Nielsen, as we know, went on to have his greatest success on The Golden Girls as Uncle Lucas Hollingsworth a man who enjoyed lobster, and had a talented friend named Freddie.
Fashion Report: Well, as I said above, there were some lovely moments this week, and nothing completely egregious. I mean, it's all relative when it comes to this show, but, by and large, the girls looked lovely this week. Pastels abounded. Sophia wore another cozy robe. And Blanche, at one point, looked like a back up singer for Cab Calloway. It was a good week. The two strongest statements overall though, were made by our two feuding sisters! Blanche and Virginia. So, this week, I've got to call it a tie. Because choosing between two strong floral prints are a Sophie's choice that I'm not ready to face.
No comments:
Post a Comment