S.1 Ep.16
The Truth Will Out
Written By: Susan Harris, Susan Beavers
Directed By: Terry Hughes
Aired: 1/18/86
Knuckle Bite™/Drip Dry. Madonna was right. We are living in a material world.
But, I don't care! Know why?? Because I'm eating a Maple Syrup Honey Brown Sugar Molasses Rice Krispies Log! And when you're eating one of those, you don't have a care in the world. You also don't have any of your original teeth either. But, whatevs! I'm on a sugar hiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh! I think Dorothy might be too. She's in a great mood, especially for first thing in the morning.
Rose is making her special sugary treat because her daughter Kirstin is in town. It's her first trip to Florida. Oh, boy. Log aside, If she only knew what wonders await her... ahem. Anyway... Rose is going to show her all the theme parks within the state borders. That seems like a good place to start. And, maybe a good place to finish too, but, I'm just throwing in my own opinion. And I'll be full of opinions today because of my sugar hiiiiiiiiigghhhhhhhh!
Blanche is up early and ready with our B Story - her fascination with the local trial of Mr. Duncan Osgood - suspected wife murderer and dickie holder. (That's not dirty, I swear.) Sophia adds another layer to the story (and also happens to be wearing several layers - that's a thick bathrobe for Miami!) by trying to fake a medical condition to get out of sharing a bed with Dorothy while Kirstin is in town - because Dorothy eats broccoli and lets 'em go in her sleep. It doesn't work. Dorothy and Sophia will room together and hopefully Dot will lay off the veggies for the time being.
Dorothy: Where would they read that will, Blanche? The Astrodome?
LATER THAT SAME DAY (Apt. 3G 4EVA) Sophia is singing that classic tune "That's Why The Hmm Hmm Is a Tramp," Dorothy is reading and relaxing, and Blanche has just bought herself some sequined socks.
In case you had needed a sudden reminder that it's the 80's, well, there you have it. Anyway, the socks aren't the only thing on Blanche's mind. She is continuing to obsess over the Duncan Osgood murder trial, and has more info on this man who is innocent until proven guilty, but, clearly very, very guilty so far as we can tell, so, what the hell, let's just say he's guilty. After all, they did find a picture of Duncan, in scuba gear, carrying his wife's body down the stairs wrapped up in a carpet. That's quite a mental picture. As is the mental picture of Dorothy sneaking naked out of the kitchen with an Oreo in her mouth. This scene is just chock full of vivid imagery. Anyway, point being, Blanche is worried that Rose is worried to show Kirstin her will, since wills make people do crazy things - such as - killing your wife and then wearing scuba gear while you get rid of the body? I don't know... I'm not quite piecing it all together yet. But, no worries. I don't have to. Because here come Kirstin and Charley!
No, not Charlie, Rose's long defunct husband, but, Charley, Rose's granddaughter who is Charlie's namesake. Got it? Confused? Eat more log. Oh, have you run out of log? So quickly? Well, not to worry, because Kirstin and Charley just brought two more logs as gifts for Blanche and Dorothy! Huzzah! Be sure to grab one for yourself before Dorothy burns hers.
Sidenote: Rose's penchant for pastels seems to run in the family. The left side of this picture is wearing the exact same color scheme featured on my Little Twin Stars stationery from the 80's.
There's nothing more relaxing than Shepherds Pie on the lanai. And that's what everyone is just finishing up. Except for Sophia, who is not a fan. She, along with Charley, are also not fans of the brussel sprouts, and may or may not have hidden them in Sophia's purse. Kirstin and Rose head inside to clean up while Blanche regales with tales of sexual favors on butcher block tables.
Kirstin comments that she never understood why someone as financially independent as Rose would want to live with roommates. But, now that she's met Dorothy and Blanche, she completely understands. Who wouldn't? Those girls are a hoot. But, yes, we're inching closer and closer to the main issue - Kirstin thinks Rose is rich and that her will is obvs going to contain multiple sacks of gold. Like heaps of sacks of gold! Or, at least that's what it seems like when she finally reads the papers and sees that this mythical fortune is just not there. And what's her first reaction? To be a complete jerk about it. Grilling Rose on where all the money went. Rose blames bad investments and her own greed (So 1980's, right?) and Kirstin walks out after telling Rose she's ashamed of her. What a jerk! I mean, this is your widowed mother, who you KNOW is just about the sweetest person on the planet. And this is your first reaction?? You are on my list, Kirstin. If you don't shape up, I'll go all Duncan Osgood on your ass and knock you out with your very own log.
Speaking of logs, here comes Dorothy wearing brown. (And Blanche too.) They overhear this conversation and immediately know that something is off here. They don't buy that Rose squandered a fortune away, and neither do I. But, Rose storms out insisting that it's true.
Time for a cheesecake scene! Rose has been unable to sleep all night. She's up watching a portable TV. Back when TV stations used to actually sign off at some point. Before you could order a Flowbee at 3am. She stands, hand on heart, for the traditional sign off of the National Anthem. I mean - how can you be mad at this woman?! She's so darn earnest! The other girls join her and move to the topic of lying. Blanche thinks everyone lies, Sophia claims to never lie. (I'd buy that.) The biggest lie Blanche ever told was to her sister Charmaine. Blanche told her that she was adopted and Charmaine's real parents were gypsies. Wow, Blanche is really not in the mood for her sisters this week. Dorothy's biggest lie - of course - was telling Stan he was good in bed. Luckily though, she only had to do it on his birthday. And Rose - well, whatever she told Kirstin about Charlie, this seems to be her biggest lie. And the intrigue surrounding it is building by the second. Will we ever find out the truth??????? I'M SO NERVOUS!!!!! AAAAAGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!! Sorry. Sugar. I'm a little jittery.
To calm down I need a short scene that helps move our plot along just a smidge. Oy, this plot. I mean, we're really taking the scenic route on this one, aren't we? Ok, so, Charley is playing dress up in Rose's palatial room. (It really is the best room in the house). The two of them start talking about Charlie (defunct husband). And, Charley (granddaughter) mentions that the only thing she's really heard about Charlie (defunct husband) is that he worked hard and was very rich. Really?? That's all you've heard about your grandfather?? You know who I blame for that? KIRSTIN. Materialistic jerk. Even 80's Madonna would've spit in her face.
No one is sleeping in this house! Dorothy is tossing and turning. Sophia has had it. Night farts are not the issue, or even all the jostling. It seems that Dot has ice cold feet. Perfect timing though. Just as Sophia wants to leave, Rose wants to come in and chat. Great. Sophia goes back to her own bed, and Rose curls up with Dorothy.
In the still of the night, as Dorothy pretends to sleep, Rose finally works it all out herself. She realizes that the lies she's been telling about Charlie, are hurting Charley (Husband and granddaughter respectively). She cannot let Kirstin leave in the morning without coming clean. FINALLY.
This morning is all about the truth. Turns out that Duncan Osgood is innocent! Despite the dickie! (Still not dirty). He was being set up by his servants. They're the ones who put his wife at the bottom of a lake. Ok, now that we've got that out of the way, here comes Kirstin in a fuzzy sweater that probably cost too much money, but she bought it anyway cause she thought she was some kinda heiress. Jerk. She has no interest in talking to Rose. What a charmer, this one. But, Rose insists. And the truth, at long last, emerges. Charlie was a very successful man. Successful in terms of humanity. Kindness, generosity, warmth - these were all traits he possessed in spades. But, money? Nope. Not his thing. He was a terrible businessman. But, Rose, being the perfect person she is, only ever wanted her children to see the good in their father. So, she built up the legend of him being a tremendous success. So much so that this Kirstin got the idea she could be the next Imelda Marcos (80's ref.).
Well, Kirstin takes the news pretty well all things considered. I'm assuming this is mainly because we took about 23 minutes of the episode to get to this revelation and now we only have about a minute left to wrap things up. So, she hugs mom and they head out to lunch. Probably at a hot dog stand or a Burger King, or someplace else real cheap. Sounds good to me.
The realization that the BIG SECRET was that Charlie was a nice guy is disappointing to one person - Blanche. She was hoping for a bit more of an exciting conclusion. Well, me too, TBH. But, here we are. And at the end of the day, we're all doing just fine. After all, none of us are at the bottom of a lake clutching a dickie.
And on THAT note - I'm gonna eat 6 more logs, spit out what's left of my teeth and use the excess energy to run laps around New Jersey. See yaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
Guest Stars: Christine Belford - Kirstin
Bridgette Andersen - Charley
Fun Facts: Not to bring anyone down, but, Bridgette Andersen falls into the category of child stars who unfortunately didn't make it very far into adulthood. After a successful career as a child, she fell into drug use, and died of an overdose at the age of 21. Not exactly a "fun fact" but, there it is.
Christine Belford has had a long career with appearances on a slew of popular tv shows. Including an episode of Fantasy Island that also starred Charo, episodes of The Greatest American Hero, and MOST IMPORTANTLY - she went on to play Steve Sanders' mother (Samantha) on 90210. What more do you need to know???
Fashion Report: I like it when a guest character comes on and makes a strong statement. So, although I loved Dorothy's silk jammies this week -
And I LIVED for Blanche buying glitter socks.
I'm gonna go with young Charley and her "Going to a castle" ensemble. She wins for outfit of the week. Good work, Charley!
And I LIVED for Blanche buying glitter socks.
I'm gonna go with young Charley and her "Going to a castle" ensemble. She wins for outfit of the week. Good work, Charley!
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